Happy Mother's Day

A note to my daughters on Mother's Day. Thank you. Thank you for being patient with me as I learn the ropes. Thank you for loving me even when I make mistakes. Thank you for showing me how important the simple things in life are. For the laughs, the joy, the incredible amount of love and hugs and kisses. But most of all, thank you for making me a mom. 

I was not prepared for this thing called motherhood. I knew how to change diapers and wash bottles and fold your little onesies. I learned how your car seat worked, how you liked to be held, and what your little cries meant. But I had no idea how incredibly hard those first weeks would be, how emotionally hard those first days back to work would be, and how heart wrenching it would be to see you in any type of pain or discomfort. I was not prepared. Your first shots were hard. Your first fever was hard. Your first booboo was hard. You reaching out for me and crying morning after morning at daycare drop off was hard. Your sleepless nights due to teething and ear aches were hard. I was not prepared. 

But you trusted me. You believed in me. You needed me. You kept me going. You gave me the confidence I needed just when I felt like I was failing. 

Your sweet smiles reassured me. Your contagious laugh reassured me. Your endless amount of hugs and kisses reassured me. I wasn't doing it all wrong. I was learning and growing, just like you.

And because of you, my name changed to mommy. The best name in the world. And on this day, I am so very grateful and honored to be your mom. 

Happy Mother's Day ❤️

Did You Burn the Eggo's?

On a typical weekday, I wake up around 5:30, get myself ready, pass baby off to daddy if she's awake, get Lilly up and ready (huge battle because she moves like a turtle in the morning) go downstairs and pack up lunch, pump parts, bottles, coffee, and throw an eggo in the oven for Lilly to eat on the way to school. I can't tell you how many times I've burnt her breakfast. The first thing she asks me when she comes downstairs is "Mommy, did you burn my Eggo's?" Sometimes I flip the burnt side over and hope she doesn't notice. Everything is so rushed during the week. 

(Bedtime snuggles) 

But this week is SPRING BREAK and today I felt like I had it all together. We slept in until 7, watched some cartoons, went downstairs and I ate some cereal and had a nice cup of coffee while Madelyn ate some toast. 

(This baby LOVES food) 

Then my nieces came over for a few hours. They played in the basement while I started a load of laundry, put Madelyn down for a nap, and took a shower by myself without any interruptions. Then I put on makeup and dried/fixed my hair in something other than a ponytail! Then I put pants on (not yoga pants!) and a cute top (not a t-shirt!). 

After my nieces left, we all ate lunch and then I loaded the girls into the car and we went to the park. This is the first time I have taken both of them to the park by myself. They had a blast and Madelyn really enjoyed swinging. 

Yes, I even put them in matching outfits today! 

After the park we went to sonic for some ice cream and Lilly played at that park also. Nobody cried, threw a fit, got hurt, lost, or sunburned. I was feeling totally legit by this point. 

Then we headed to the doctors for Madelyn's 9 month checkup. Both girls were very well behaved and we got in and out in 40 minutes. When we got home, Madelyn napped while Lilly and I played "super girl" and I folded up some laundry. 

Thank you spring break for helping this mommy not feel like a crazy person. This time with my girls was much needed. They bring me so much joy. The countdown to summer break is on! 

And I didn't burn Lilly's Eggo's this morning! :) 

21 Questions 2016

I asked Lilly these questions a year ago. I love her responses and how they have changed. She's growing so so fast and I'm trying my hardest to soak it all in. 

What is something mommy always says to you? I love Lilly's heart. 

How old are you? 3

How old is mommy? 4

How old is daddy? 5

What makes you happy? That you say thank you for singing and that you love me. 

What makes you sad? When I have to go to sleep. 

What is your favorite movie? Cinderella 

Who is your best friend? Leah (from daycare) 

What do you want to be when you grow up? A cheerleader and a princess. 

What is your favorite color? Pink and purple. 

What do you like to wear? A dress.

What is your favorite food and drink? Apples and milk.

Where does daddy work? I don't know.

Where does mommy work? Right beside my school. 

What is your favorite toy? My Cinderella doll.

What do you want to teach your baby sister? Her can jump.

What is your favorite thing about your sister? That she crawls. 

What do you like to sing? Cinderella 

What is your favorite animal? An elephant and a giraffe. 

Where is your favorite place to go? Elizabeth's Pizza and Lindsay and Addison's house. 

What is love? Love is giving people some valentine hearts. 

A Very Merry UnBirthday

Yesterday was Madelyn's 1/2 birthday. The fastest 6 months of my life. I remember last Christmas when I was pregnant with her and trying to figure out how old she would be this Christmas. And now it's here! Madelyn has been such a blessing to our family, just like her big sister.  

We have come a long way since this summer. I think back to when she was a newborn and Mike went back to work and there I was with a tiny baby that  nursed 24/7 and a three year old who was trying to figure out this new life with a little sister. We would stay in bed until 11 before I had the energy to move. Lilly spent those first few weeks on the iPad. I couldn't leave them alone in the same room for one second because I was scared Lilly would try to pick her up. I don't know how I survived, but I did. Then slowly but surely we all adjusted to our new little family of four. 

I absolutely love watching Lilly and Madelyn interact with each other. Lilly lets Madelyn lay all over her and pull her hair. She sings her songs and she even helps me change the diapers. I am so happy that Madelyn gets to grow up with a big sister like Lilly, and vise versa. What wonderful adventures they will have together. 

Madelyn is getting pretty good at sitting up. This is a great stage because you can plop them down on the floor for a few minutes without them trying to crawl off. She definitely loves to be held and the dogs are extremely entertaining to her. She doesn't sleep through the night. She slept 9 hours straight one night and that's it. Totally like her big sister. And that's ok because I enjoy the nighttime snuggles. I figure I can just pawn them off on each other when Madelyn is old enough and they can sleep together. Or either we will have two kids in the middle of our bed. 

Madelyn has also started to eat something other than breastmilk! She has had some oatmeal over the past week and some apple. She likes the oatmeal and hated the apple. Today I let her taste some banana which was followed by a bath! Only time will tell if she copies her big sisters picky eating. 

Now there's only one week left of school and then I get two whole weeks with my girls. They love sharing germs back and forth so I'm hoping for a sick free Christmas. We all survived the stomach bug. It knocked down the whole house, one person at a time. I seriously need to win the lottery so I can give it to my parents. Maybe I shouldn't put that in writing.... :) Merry Christmas! 

Riding the Santa train with daddy! 

Sweet baby girl right after her birth, June 12, 2015. 

The Struggle is Real

Inhale

Exhale 

Repeat... 

Sometimes I just have to sit and remind myself to breathe. Life is busy. And when life is busy sometimes I lose focus on the important things. 

Current situation: Madelyn has a double ear infection. She just wants to nurse and be held. I've missed work this week. I missed an important meeting. I have used almost all of my sick days. We still haven't found a house of our own. 90% of my belongings are in storage. Madelyn doesn't have a nursery. Lilly talks about having her own purple room all the time. I share a super tiny closet with a three year old that has more shoes and dresses than I do. I have piles of laundry that need to be folded and put away (this will never end). The struggle is real. 

But the good always outweighs the bad. Madelyn is healthy and growing and babbling and rolling over and smiling and laughing and I just love her so stinking much. She is almost ready for her first taste of real food. She's moved on up to size 2 diapers and she totally loves pulling my hair and grabbing my glasses. Lilly is the best big sister in the whole wide world and has been so helpful. Their special bond warms my heart. She is learning so much at school. She has a thanksgiving program this afternoon. She is so excited about Christmas. 

The other night Lilly threw a fit about wanting some milk before bed. After telling her over and over that we don't drink milk before bed (mostly because neither one of us wants to go back downstairs) she looks at me and says "Well Maddie Lou gets to drink milk before bed"... Well played kid, well played. 

Yes, we still live with my parents. We haven't found a house for us...yet... But we will. Pros- I didn't have to decorate for Christmas and there are two extra hands besides Mike's to help with the kids. This will seem like a distant memory one day... "Hey remember that time we lived with my parents for over a year AND had a baby!?".... 

This picture helps too.

So even though life is kind of.. weird... right now, there are so many awesome things yet to come. The struggle is still very real, but I'm going to try very hard to focus on all the positives and blessings in my life. 

20 Pounds Lighter

Holy moly, life has been SO busy. I miss my summer days of staying in the bed, cuddling with the girls, and not having a schedule. Ever since school has started back I feel rushed from the moment I wake up to the moment I put my head back down to go to sleep. Putting Madelyn in daycare at 2 months old almost killed me. I feel so guilty and sad that I'm away from her for the majority of the day. I've had some pity parties for sure. 

Our daily routine looks a little like this: Wake up at 5:30, nurse Madelyn, get myself ready, go downstairs and pack my lunch, bottles, and school bag, wake Lilly up and get her ready while Mike dresses Madelyn, nurse her one more time, get both girls in the car and off to daycare by 7:30, go to work, pump at 9:00, 11:45 while I scarf my food down, and 2:45 after the kids leave, plan and prepare for the next day, pick the girls up by 4:30, head home, wash bottles and pump parts, label and make bottles for the next day, give Lilly a snack, nurse some more, take baths and showers, eat supper, get ready for bed, nurse one last time and then crash. On Tuesday Lilly has ballet and then choir and mission friends at church on Wednesday. We also need to find a house so my parents don't think we are trying to hang out upstairs forever. I. LIVE. FOR. THE. WEEKEND. 

Needless to say, I feel like my head is barely above water. I know it will get easier. The beginning of school is always super busy. Things are starting to slow down a bit and I'm not having to stay as late. I get so much anxiety trying to rush and finish things up at work so I can go get them. 

Another pity party I've been having is about my appearance. I'm still about 20 lbs away from my pre-pregnancy weight. It is not coming off as easily as it did with Lilly, but I also didn't gain as much with Lilly. I'm wearing all of my moms clothes that she had stored in the attic because my pants won't come over these American thighs. I miss my beautiful pregnancy skin, hair, and fingernails. Working out is a joke since I don't have the time or energy. I know that I'm only 3 months out but dangggggggg I'm struggling with this at the moment. 

So when Mike asked me what I wanted to do for my 30th birthday I told him I just wanted to get away and have a nice weekend with our girls. We stayed at his parents beach place for the weekend. The weather was beautiful and didn't rain at all. We spent time on the beach Friday and Lilly had a blast. There is something about watching your child have a carefree fun time that just soothes your soul. I felt like I could breathe. No bottles to wash or papers to grade. We woke up Saturday and went out for breakfast. Then we went to the park and fed the ducks before doing some shopping. Everybody got some new clothes and Lilly even got a princess sleeping bag. We took naps. I repeat. We ALL took naps. We walked down the road and ate a ton of crab legs and shrimp. We got ice cream. And we ended our night with a nice walk on the beach, which turned into playing in the tide pool, which ended in Lilly stripping down into her underwear.

 

It was just what I needed. It was perfect. I have been so incredibly blessed with two healthy and happy little girls and a husband that loves to take care of us.  

And just like that, I feel 20 lbs lighter. 

Nap Time Shenanigans

There are several things I think I'm pretty darn good at when it comes to parenting. Getting Lilly to take a nap is not one of them. And when Princess Lilly doesn't nap she turns into a Queen. 

Nap time at our house has 3 stages. 

Stage 1- I like to compare this stage to stage 1 of labor, which is the longest and most painful stage. 

"Lilly, it's time to take a nap" 

"I don't want to take a nap" 

"If you take a nap I'll give you a Popsicle when you wake up" (don't judge me) 

"Ok mommy" 

We go upstairs and lie down. Lilly proceeds to tell me she has to go potty, she needs another blanket, she needs to take her dress off, she needs to put her shoes in the closet, etc. She basically comes up with ANY excuse NOT to lie down. I do a lot of threatening in stage 1. 

"Lilly if you don't sit down you don't get your Popsicle" 

"Do I need to leave so you have to nap by yourself?" 

"If you don't get still now I'm going to eat all of the Popsicles" 

Don't judge me... 

After a few minutes of this, Lilly finally sits down on the bed. She then proceeds to roll around, cuddle me, play with my hair, poke my forehead, rub my eyebrows, play with my eyelashes, rub my cheeks, put her finger in my ear, etc. 

After she gets bored with that she moves on to her whispering. This is the part where she whispers crazy stuff. Most of the time I don't understand anything she's saying but sometimes I will catch a few phrases like: 

"You're so nice mommy" 

"I like candy" 

"Today is Saturday" 

"I'm a girl" 

I have no idea what she's talking about. I close my eyes and try not to laugh. The good news is that stage 1 of nap time shenanigans is almost over. 

Stage 2- This stage is when Lilly gets very still and appears to be staring off into space. She doesn't move.. she doesn't talk or whisper... she just stares at the ceiling. It is very important that I don't move during stage 2 or we can end up back at stage 1 real fast. 

Stage 3- This stage is very important and can end several ways. 

Scenario 1- Lilly falls asleep! Score!!!! 

Scenario 2- Lilly falls asleep but I get up to soon and she wakes back up... Fail! 

Scenario 3- Her daddy walks in or Madelyn cries and we are right back at stage 1. 

Scenario 4- I fall asleep and wake up an hour later to Lilly eating marshmallows and playing on the iPad. I didn't even know we had marshmallows in the house. 

Stage 4- Lilly either wakes up from her much needed nap or I say screw it, there is always tomorrow, and we enjoy a Popsicle on the back porch. 

Don't judge me.