It was brought to my attention today that the next time a person asks how old Lilly is, I can say "she's one and a half". Not 18 months, not one, but one and a HALF. As in... Half way to two! Eekk!! Goodness gracious that is just craziness. Complete craziness. These last 18 months have been filled with ups and downs and twists and turns. I have learned so much more than I ever knew I could and have loved so much more than I ever knew I could. It hasn't always been easy, but boy has it been worth it! This blog is about marriage and a baby, and what that baby does to a marriage.
Mike and I started dating in high school. We got married after seven years of dating and I thought I knew everything there was to know about him, and I'm sure he thought the same. But somehow I learned more about him everyday and he learned more about me. Two years after we got married we found out we were pregnant. And boy was that a whole new learning experience. And then we had Lilly, and that has been the biggest learning experience of all.
The day Lilly was born was the absolute most amazing day of our lives. Nothing is going to top that day. I nursed her on demand every 2 hours (or less) and Mike changed every single poopy tar diaper. We were a team and we were in this together. That first week was perfect. Mike was home the first week and continued his diaper duty and my mom was with us too so we could get a nap here and there and some home cooked meals. I had help all around me. My mom cleaned my entire house (since Lilly surprised us two weeks early our house wasn't exactly ready). Life was so good. It was like a magic fairy had sprinkled happy dust all over my freaking house.
They say that there is a HUGE hormonal drop around day 7 postpartum. They were right. Mike went back to work, my mom went back home, and I realized that I had a real actual baby that was mine to feed and change and keep alive. And the closest family members I had were all 2 hours away. I cried and cried and cried some more. I was filled with anxiety around 6:00 every night because I knew it was going to be another long sleepless night of nursing and diaper changing. I didn't ask for help because I also had anxiety about Mike getting enough sleep to be able to function at work. I didn't have to get out of my pj's the next day, or brush my hair, or even brush my teeth! But Mike did and I wanted to make sure he was ok. He would kiss me goodbye in the morning and I would cry from lack of sleep. But once I got started with our day I would be totally fine.. Until 6:00 pm when the anxiety would creep back in. This lasted for about 3-4 weeks... And then we had a come to Jesus meeting. I had to recognize that I couldn't do it all myself and Mike had to recognize that I was a crazy hormonal nursing freak that needed some more help. And so we made more of a plan on how to handle these sleepless nights. Mike changed the diapers and then handed her off to me for the nursing.
This was just one of the many "come to Jesus meetings" we have had over the last 18 months. We have argued because we were tired. We have argued because we didn't see eye to eye on something. And the only thing that helps us after an argument is compromise. Sometimes it's hard, but we have definitely learned how to compromise and communicate on a whole different level since having Lilly, which has only made our marriage stronger. It's not all about us anymore. Now we have this little person that we have to think of and put first. Which leads me to my next realization after baby...
Dads are going to feel left out or not needed at one point or another, and this is something else we had to learn how to balance. Here I was nursing Lilly 24/7, changing diapers, giving baths, and practicing tummy time while Mike was at work getting a picture text of Lilly every hour. I knew that child like the back of my hand. I knew what her cries meant and the exact way she had to be held or bounced to calm her down. We were stuck like glue. But all of my energy and attention were going into this little baby that I had no energy or attention left to give my husband. This is a hard one for moms and dads. And once again we had to learn how to communicate on a whole new level. And over time we have learned that our marriage is just as important as Lilly and we have found a new balance. Lilly deserves to see two parents that love each other very much. Date nights and spending time doing things as a couple away from your child is important for your marriage. And you deserve that time with each other! All of those diaper changes and sleepless nights prove it. And it is so much easier now that Lilly's a little older. It's so easy to get wrapped up in all of the new parenthood things that you forget to make time for each other. It's not right or wrong, it's just another thing you have to work on. And it's always worth it.
So those are some of the hard things we have gone through since having Lilly, but there have been far more wonderful things that have happened to our marriage. I have seen my husband in a totally new way. My heart melts when Lilly gives him a kiss, or when he makes her do the gut laugh, or when he sings and dances with her in the kitchen. I fall in love all over again. He has supported and encouraged and reassured me when I've questioned my mommy abilities and I have done the same for him. We have taking this incredibly awesome experience and grown our marriage into what it is now. We are nowhere close to perfect, believe me, but a promise is a promise, and I look forward to all of these new changes and experiences life will continue to bring as long as he's by my side holding my hand. We are in this together, forever and always.
