You Can Do It!

Since its been a year since I started my blog, I thought I would celebrate by blogging about something that is very important to me. Any guesses? That's right..... Breastfeeding! Now, let me start out by saying that wanting to not use formula is NOT the same as saying that formula is bad, and the mere existence of women who breastfeed does not serve to stigmatize those women who cannot or do not. Breastfeeding or formula feeding is a personal choice and you always have the right to chose how you feed your baby. Ok, so here we go! 

I attended a breastfeeding conference here in Pitt County last weekend with my good friend Julie who is pregnant. I didn't really know what to expect but it was wonderful! There were different booths set up with all different types of information for new moms on how to have a successful breastfeeding relationship with your baby. They had a few guest speakers that shared their breastfeeding stories and it got me thinking... If I could share my breastfeeding story, what would I say? 

I always knew I would breastfeed. I grew up watching older cousins breastfeed and I even breastfed my baby dolls I'm sure. Then I was able to watch my sister-in-laws breastfed all three of my nieces and nephew. And then I became pregnant. 

Mike and I never even had a discussion on whether or not I would breastfeed. Once we started to realize how expensive diapers and daycare were going to be, not having to buy expensive formula on top of that became the number 1 reason why I wanted to breastfeed. We attended a breastfeeding class together and I went in thinking I was going to learn how to get the baby to latch and how to hold the baby while breastfeeding and then be on my way.... Boy was I wrong. I had absolutely no idea how awesome breastfeeding was for the baby AND the momma. I learned that breastfeeding reduces the risk of a bunch of different cancers for mom. I learned that breastfeeding reduces illnesses in babies like allergies, obesity, and ear infections. I learned how breastmilk is always ready and always the right temperature for your baby. I learned a TON. I knew breastmilk was good, but I didn't know how good it was until after this class. And Mike was all about Lilly having something that was 100% natural. And all of a sudden, the fact that breastmilk is FREE became much lower on my list of why I wanted to breastfeed. I wanted the best for me and my baby. But even after this epiphany, I had no idea how much I would love nursing my child. 

I will never forget the moment when I breastfed Lilly for the first time, shortly after giving birth to her. Her little hand wrapped around my finger as tears fell from my face. It was the most beautiful moment I have ever experienced. And every time we hit a rough patch or I felt exhausted or felt like giving up (because that will happen at some point) I would think back to that moment and realize how awesome and lucky I am to be able to breastfeed. I've had times where I doubted my supply and wondered if Lilly was getting enough. I had to learn how to trust my body and my baby. I had to tune out any bad advice and rely on my mommy instincts. I had the most amazing support group of friends, family, lactation consultants, AND my amazing husband. Support is everything, especially in the beginning. And because of all this, I have been able to breastfeed Lilly for 16 months and counting. I have no idea when our breastfeeding journey will end. I stopped thinking of breastfeeding in terms of a goal a long time ago. I've nursed Lilly anywhere and everywhere, not just because it's my right and the law protects me or to make a statement, but simply because she was hungry. It has been the absolute best decision for our family. 

So for any mommies that are breastfeeding or are interested in breastfeeding, know that if I can do it, you can too! Get educated, get support, and enjoy every moment. 

Déjà Vu

It's been almost a year since I started my blog. I reread my first blog ever and I talked about going back to work and putting Lilly in daycare. And here I am again, a year later, blogging about the same thing... Only this time I'm going to be brutally honest... 

I AM A HOT MESS. 

I have cried and cried and cried some more. Just like the first time Lilly started daycare. Only this time is way different. Lilly is very aware and knows when I leave the room. Lilly is very attached to me (as I am to her!). Lilly only has a hand full of foods she will eat. And Lilly is SO MUCH FUN right now, which makes the thought of being away from her all day almost unbearable. How am I going to do this you guys? I physically feel like I can't do it. I can't leave her. I want the summer to go on forever. I would give up all of the other seasons just to have this hot, humid, sticky summer forever. 

But... Sigh.... I don't have a choice. I have to go back to work. I have to go back to reality. I have to get back into a routine. So, to prepare ourselves for this dreaded day, I've been taking Lilly to daycare this week for an hour or two so she can play and get to know her new teacher and so I could see what she will be doing in her new classroom. It's not like the nursery. It's a big girl room, where they do big girl stuff, like nap on a mat instead of a crib (or mommy's lap), eat their lunch at a table, and learn their colors and ABC's. I'm not sure what scares me more... The napping on a mat or eating the food that they serve at daycare or no more nursing during the day. During our visit today we decided to stay for lunch to see what Lilly would do. All of the other 4 toddlers washed their hands, sat at the table, and ate their orange slices, green beans, and noodles like a BOSS. Then they cleaned up, found their mat, and laid down for their nap. Not one kid cried, fussed, or threw food on the floor.... And then there was Lilly....

After I finally convinced her to sit in her chair, she played with her spoon. She refused to put any of it in her mouth. She refused to drink any milk out of the sippy cup. She put oranges on the floor. She said no no no to all of it. Then she got up and wanted to play with the toys. My heart fell all the way to my feet and the mommy guilt came pouring in. I try and try and try to offer new foods, but do I try enough? Were all of those awesome summer cuddling naps a huge mistake? Should I have tried to wean her this summer? 

Now, I know that toddlers are so resilient and catch on super fast... And I know that Lilly will learn to do these things too. But I also know that these first few weeks back are going to be very tough. Will she eat their food? Or will she be hungry because mommy isn't there to offer her something she likes... Like pickles... Or peanut butter... Or cheese. My heart was so heavy after today's visit. I just want Lilly to eat like all the other kids. 

So tonight at dinner Mike said a prayer, and I said an extra silent prayer that Lilly would learn to eat better... And what happened next is an example of how God answers prayers immediately sometimes. Lilly ate an ENTIRE slice of pizza, pepperonis and all!!!!!!! This is the first time anything like this has ever happened in her 16 months of life. I wanted to do cartwheels across the restaurant. And just like that, my anxiety was gone (well, almost gone). I will never regret those extra cuddles we shared this summer or nursing Lilly longer than I ever thought I would. Life is short. Lilly is going to be fine. Mommy is going to be fine. And the wheels in the sky will keep on turning. 

We Are Family

After being away from my husband and home for almost 2 weeks, we are slowly getting back to our regular routine. Lilly has been walking around the house calling out to Cole, Greg, Chad, Liz, Addie, Lindsay, Nana, and D-Da hoping that one if them will pop up from behind the door and say peek-a-boo! I wish the same thing. 

If you look up the definition of "family" in the dictionary it will say something like this:  a social unit consisting of one or more adults together with the children they care for. 

This is not exactly true. Family is so much more than that. Your family  are the people that are by your side in good times and in bad. Your family does things for you without being asked just because they care. They put your needs first when you need a shoulder to lean on, no matter how busy they are. Your family spends time with you, checks in on you,  and does things to show they love you without asking for anything in return. 

If I had to give a definition of what family is, I would say this: Family is like music, some high notes, some low notes, but always a beautiful song. 

Thank you to all of my wonderful family who has shown me what that word truly means. But more importantly, thank you for showing Lilly. She has so many wonderful role models in her life already and she doesn't even know it. What a lucky girl!