There's A New Doctor In Town!

What an eventful week! And it's only Tuesday!

Lilly woke up Sunday morning with a rash on her back and face. It didn't seem to bother her and she went on with her usual activities of walking, pulling things out of cabinets, trying to climb the stairs, and of course nursing! But by Sunday night the rash had spread to her tummy and was starting to look bad. She didn't have a fever and she hadn't tried any new foods. The only thing I could think of was that it came from her new shirt she wore the day before. She still seemed ok though so I tried not to worry. After all, it's not the first rash Lilly has ever had. Well that all changed at 1:00 am. Lilly woke up miserable.. And stayed miserable for the next 3 hours. She finally settled back down around 4:00 am. By 6:30 that morning her rash was 10x worse and now covered her entire body.

Thank goodness she already had a doctors appointment scheduled with her new doctor at 1:45 that afternoon. And thank goodness my cousin/best friend is a nurse who reassured me all day!

The doctor took one look at her and knew right away that the rash was a reaction to her shots she got recently. It is completely harmless and not contagious. The reason she was so miserable was because she had a double ear infection... Poop. The hardest thing about being a parent is when your child is sick. Breaks.. My.. Heart...

On a positive note, the new doctor is FABULOUS! She charted Lilly's growth using the WHO growth chart and get this... Lilly was in the 30% for weight! Big difference from "failure to thrive". I guess being charted as a BOY and not a girl on the wrong chart matters after all! (Excuse me as I take some deep breaths and count to 10)....

Dr. Morgan was very supportive and caring and made me feel so much better about everything. She was happy with the progress Lilly was already making with trying new foods. We go back in a month for a follow up. So we will just keep encouraging Lilly to try new foods. She was finally perking back up this afternoon and returned to her daily activities that kept mommy on her toes. What a little blessing our Lilly Grace is!

Peace of Mind

God really does work in mysterious ways. I've said a lot of prayers over the past week and God has truly comforted me and taken my worries away.

After my last blog post about Lilly being labeled "failure to thrive" (ugh, that still makes my blood boil) a lot of people reached out to me. And I mean A LOT!! Some people I didn't even know sent me private messages about their little ones being picky eaters as well and shared a lot of helpful advice. But perhaps the coolest thing that happened was a text I got about a girl that had read my blog through a mutual friend on Facebook. She is a pediatric occupational feeding specialist and she lives in Greenville... As in Greenville, NC.... AS IN THE SAME TOWN I LIVE IN! Coincidence? I think not... That's God answering prayers.

I called Emily Monday afternoon and we talked for a long time. She had loads of advice! We think that Lilly is sensitive to textures and we talked about sensory things I could do to help her. These were just a few of her suggestions:

-Brush the insides of Lilly's cheeks and the back of her gums to desensitize her gagging reflex. Lilly only has 2 front teeth so the back of her mouth is an area that we haven't brushed. (back story- Lilly started gagging on pacies and bottles at 3 months old and this was part of the reason she hated bottles. She also gags on foods that she doesn't like).

-Let Lilly play with things like pudding in her highchair to get her use to touching and feeling foods. Lilly is very picky about things being on her hands.

-Put some dry pasta in a shoe box and hide things in it and let Lilly dig through it. Again, this will help her feel different textures.

-Start mixing some foods that Lilly likes with other foods, slowly at first and then add more over time.

-And of course, just keep being patient and keep trying.

Emily even offered to watch Lilly eat and said I could call her whenever I wanted to. She also said that this was very common... something that the doctor did not seem to think! I felt a huge weight being lifted off of me after I hung up the phone. God had answered my prayers.

So, here is what has been going on this week with miss picky pants... She's refusing to eat any table food at school but is eating all of her oatmeal and baby food. They even caught her putting her table food on another babies tray! Ohhhhh that makes me giggle. Only Lilly!

At home she has spit out peas, potatoes, carrots, bread, and chicken. BUT she did taste them so that's a plus.

And lastly, this is what she did eat this weekend... Cheerios, gold fish, Cheerios dipped in bananas (yay!), strawberry yogurt, Cheerios dipped in strawberry yogurt (ha!), cheese, chocolate pudding, chips, and french fries..... The last three items were her favorite. Uh oh! I obviously only want Lilly to eat healthy foods but right now getting anything in her mouth is an accomplishment! Maybe she will like sweet potato fries! This is probably the most she has eaten on a weekend. I have found out that she is more accepting of food if she is not strapped into her highchair. So we ate while playing and while holding her. It's harder for her to swat food away if her hands are occupied. Overall I think we had a very successful week. Thank you to everybody who reached out to me. Your words of kindness and reassurance were just what this momma needed.

2 Thessalonians 3:16
Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you.

Doctor's Orders

This blog post is going to be more of a rant. Lilly had her 12 month checkup Friday afternoon. I left the appointment completely devastated and bawling my eyes out. Lilly is fine. Lilly is more than fine. Let me start from the beginning...

Lilly is still on 90% breast milk with just a few ounces of whole milk being mixed in with her bottles at daycare. We are still breast feeding at home and I'm still pumping at work (ugh!). Someday's Lilly eats pretty well at daycare and other days shes not into it. We struggle at home to get anything in that child's mouth that is not a gold fish, puff, cheerio, yogurt bite, or cheese. We have let her play with the food. We have tried to feed her with a spoon. We have let her take the spoon. We have used a "sneak attack" approach to get food in her mouth. We have played games. We have tried and tried and tried. I've even let her watch a YouTube video of another baby eating food... Monkey see monkey do, right? Sometimes we are successful. Most of the time it ends up on the floor and Jake gets a 2nd dinner. Sometimes Lilly gags just by looking at the food. The point is, we try all different types of food every day.

Well, I brought this up as a concern at Lilly's appointment. The doctor pulled up Lilly's charts for weight, height, and head circumference. She had hardly grown since her 9 month appointment (only gained 12 ounces) which puts her at 18 lbs 15 ounces. The doctor said Lilly had fallen off the charts and labeled her "Failure to Thrive".

FAILURE TO THRIVE

She then preceded to ask me a bunch of questions about my breast milk.
"Has it changed color?" No.
"Are you pumping less?" No.
"Do you eat enough calories?" Yes.
"Does Lilly seem satisfied after nursing?" Yes.

The doctor then decided that it was time for Lilly to wean. Cold turkey. Over night.
She told me to stop breastfeeding ASAP and only give Lilly Pediasure. She said that my breast milk probably didn't have that many calories in it and we needed to plump her up with this high calorie drink, especially since most of her calories are coming from milk and not table foods. She seemed very concerned. She told me to even give Lilly a bottle of the Pediasure when she wakes up at night. ONLY PEDIASURE. She was very clear about this. She also referred us to a nutritionist through ECU that will meet with us and help us find ways to get Lilly to eat more table food. She told me to come back in 2 weeks for a weight check. And her last comment was, "Well, you nursed her for a year so it's time".

There are so so so many things I wish I would have said to her. But I was totally unprepared for this news and just stood there staring at her like a sad puppy dog. My child had just been labeled "failure to thrive". I did tell her that Lilly was meeting all of her milestones and that she is even saying lots of words but she didn't seem to care.

By the time I made it to my car to call Mike I was a complete mess. He came and met me in the parking lot and reassured me that Lilly was going to be ok and that we would get through this. How was I supposed to stop nursing over night!? Does she even know my child! Lilly would completely freak out if I tried to give her a bottle of this thick, smelly chocolate Pediasure in the middle of the night. But I felt so trapped and confused and didn't know what to do. When we got home I offered Lilly some of the samples that the doctor gave me. She drank a small amount of it. I did continue to nurse her all weekend and offer the Pediasure as well. She probably only drank about an ounce of it the whole weekend. We went to the store and bought anything and everything that we thought Lilly would eat. We bought some vanilla flavored Pediasure for daycare. I reached out to some of my other friends for advice. Everybody thought that was crazy. I wanted to believe it was crazy too but a part of me felt so guilty and concerned. I felt like I had not been giving Lilly the calories that she needed in my breast milk. And after all that hard work. After reaching our goal of 1 year. It was a bad feeling.

That's when I remembered the wonderful lactation specialist at our local hospital and how they had helped me so much in the beginning. I gave them a call and the lady listened as I told her the whole story. She told me not to stop nursing that baby and to come in on Monday so they could test the calories in my breast milk. She reminded me that nursing is more than a food thing. It's for comfort and protection and it's not something you just stop overnight. She said it just sounded like Lilly needed a few more calories from table food and to keep offering food.

So, yesterday I sent 1 bottle of the Pediasure to daycare and Lilly absolutely refused to drink it.. and I don't blame her! I went up to the hospital after work and brought my bag of milk and Lilly's growth charts from her 9 and 12 month appointment. After looking over her charts, we realized that it said CDC chart for boys. BOYS!!! Why didn't I see this before! The CDC chart is a generic chart for all babies, formula fed or breast fed. She charted out Lilly's growth on the WHO chart which is for breast fed babies only. Yes, Lilly had definitely plateaued between 9 and 12 months but she was still on the chart! Then she looked over the results from my milk....

Not only does my milk have the same amount of calories as the Pediasure, my milk has MORE calories than most people. I wanted to kiss that lady on the lips. And then I wanted to shove these papers in the doctors face and say "SEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! My milk is FINE and we will continue to nurse as long as we want to!"

We are still going to meet with the nutritionist and see if they can help us get more table food in Lilly. And I have switched doctors and will see a more breastfeeding friendly doctor that the lactation lady recommended. Doctors are not perfect. They are regular people just like you and me. And sometimes they might say things you don't like. But that's when you have the choice to see somebody else that fits your needs or personality.

I couldn't hear my mommy instinct yelling at me all weekend because the doctors voice was ringing in my ear. But I hear her now and I know that Lilly Bug is going to be fine. We went out to dinner last night and tried to give Lilly some table food. She didn't want any. But we kept trying anyways. And we will keep trying every single day. And one day she will eat it. And one day she will probably even be taller than me... running around outside, taking swim lessons, or soccer, or dance, or whatever she wants to do. And we will continue to encourage her every step of the way.

One and Done?

Another milestone has come and gone. Lilly Bug is OFFICIALLY one year old. We managed to avoid the stomach bug even though most of her family members had it but she still ended up sick on her birthday with a fever and another nasty cold. I can't wait to tell her how she threw her cupcake on the ground one day... A memory I will hold close to my heart always. She is so blessed and has so many friends and family that love her.

Thursday also marked another milestone for us... We reached our breastfeeding goal! I have nursed that baby every single day for a whole year. We hit some rough spots along the way but we made it through thrush, nursing strikes, biting, and a mommy meltdown. And it has been 100% totally worth it. But it took a village! There are SO many people that have helped us reach our goal. So this post is a BIG THANK YOU to everybody that has helped us.

It all started at the hospital with the awesome nurses and lactation specialist. They made me feel like a superhero and gave me the tools I needed for those crazy first weeks at home.

Family members that let me nurse out in the open without having to go hide. This helped me to feel normal and still be able to enjoy our family visits.

Friends who have asked me questions or needed support themselves. It feels good to pass along what I've learned to others that want advice.

Coworkers who have let me use their closet to pump in or covered my class when I needed to go pump and made me pump after work when I dreaded it the most. And never once did they make me feel embarrassed. (Especially you, Julie and Mrs. Wiggins and Miss Kee!!!)

Friends who have let me pump out in the open during girls weekend and cracked jokes with me (that's you Liz, Diane, and Kristen!)

And most importantly, my super duper supportive husband who has helped me every step of the way. He might even be a bigger supporter of breastfeeding than I am! And not just because he gets to see my boobs all the time. ;-)

People have been asking me "what now" since we have reached our goal. I have no idea how to answer this question. Are we "one and done" when it comes to breastfeeding? I thought I might be ready to give it up after a year but I'm not feeling ready just yet and I think Lilly would agree. Especially since she can now say "nurrrr" for nurse. I'll finish out the school year pumping at work and then I'll see what this summer brings. My favorite motto is "go with the flow" and that is exactly what we will do.