When Life Gives You Lemons

"When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye" 

"When life gives you lemons, throw them right back" 

"When life gives you lemons, make a margarita"

These are just a few variations, but the one I prefer is "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade". We can learn a lot from the lemons we receive sometimes in life, and hopefully, if you're optimistic, you can grow and become a stronger person. 

I don't think we realized how different it would be to move with a toddler and a dog into my parents house. We were too excited and overwhelmed about our new beginning, but somewhere along the line that excitement faded and now my brain feels like scrambled eggs sometimes. I miss our bed. I miss our bed soooooooo much. I hate that Lilly doesn't have her own little girl room with purple walls and prissy curtains. Every kid should have that! I worry about bringing a new baby into this house if we are still here and where we will put all of the new baby things. Those are the top three stressors that sometimes keep me up at night. And also not really having a definite plan about where we will go when we do sell our house. Lots of stuff to think about. 

But, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Yes, all of the things above do worry me, but I know that this part of our journey isn't forever, and I am excited about so many other things in our future that make those other three stressors seem silly. Like the fact that we have a new realtor! She sent us a huge list of things to do to the house (very small things thank goodness) so my wonderful husband went up there this past weekend and knocked them all out. He said he threw away so much stuff in our attic (thank goodness!!!!!) and everything looks more "staged". Hubby up!!! I'm excited that we have her and I'm excited to sell this house! 

In baby news, he or she is now the size of... You guessed it... A lemon!! I went to the dr last Wednesday and the heartbeat was almost 170! Lilly's heartbeat was always in the 140/150 range. We will find out at the end of January if Lilly will have a little brother or sister. I am so glad to be in the 2nd trimester! No more morning sickness!! But I'm still very tired. That's probably because I have an active two year old. A very active two year old! 

Lilly has become miss prissy pants. Everyday when we get home from school she takes all of her clothes off at the door, runs upstairs and puts on her "pingo" dress (it has flamingos on it) or her Christmas dress, complete with her ruby red shoes. She would wear these two dresses everyday if she could. And it's probably all she will wear over Christmas break. But Santa is bringing her some new dresses too so she will have more options! And holy moly, I don't think we have ever been so excited for Christmas!!!! It's the most wonderful time of the year! 

So, all in all, life is still good. It's not perfect. We are missing several pieces of the puzzle, but it is still good. I'm going to continue to drink my lemonade, and maybe a margarita in about 6 more months. 

I Love You

I love you when you hold my hand and beg to pick you up, I love you when you forget your manners and demand I fill your cup.

I love you when you kiss my cheek and sweetly say "I love you", I love you when you throw a fit, it's ok, remember you're only two.

I love you when you say I'm pretty and try to comb my hair, I love you when you misplace your shoe and can't find the other pair.

I love you when you sing your songs for everyone to hear, I love you when you scream and cry those alligator tears.

I love you when we go outside and you show me how you run, I love you on those grumpy days that don't seem like too much fun. 

I love you when you dance around in your princess dress, I love you when spill your drink and make a great big mess.

I love you when you act so cute, my heart strings you so tug, I love you no matter what, because you're my Lilly Bug.

And

I'll love you when the new baby is here and everything is new, I'll love you when you're not so sure, I promise mommys heart is big enough for two. 

. 

Dinner for Two

November 13, 2014

9 weeks 2 days 

Everybody that I live with is currently on a diet. Everybody except me (and Lilly)! I can't imagine being on a diet and living with a pregnant woman that is eating everything in her path. My dad is down 6 lbs since Monday. I'm probably up 6 lbs since Monday. 

In fact, I am so definitely pregnant that I woke up Sunday morning and cooked (gasp!) a big Sunday breakfast complete with eggs, bacon, and about 14 pancakes. Tuesday we ate lunch in Cary at a D&S Cafeteria. That was a dream come true. I even had room for desert. Today when I got home I was greeted with the smelly smell of a crockpot meal which almost made me barf. Mike brought me home some habachi chicken with rice. I love that man. I thought I would have enough leftover for lunch tomorrow, but who am I kidding? Everybody stared at my delicious food while they ate their diet meal. And now I'm in a food coma on the couch. 

I think one reason I'm eating so much, besides the obvious reason, is because I feel like I have to feed the nausea, like it's this big mean monster that I have to keep feeding so it doesn't completly attack me. Everytime I feel the slightest bit hungry my nausea monster takes over full force and my two choices are to eat or barf. 

One food that makes me feel better is carrots. Weird, right!? Munching on a cool crisp carrot has saved me from the monster many times. Atleast it's not a snickers bar. 

And while I'm on the complain train, I might as well vent about how uncomfortable I already am. I feel huge. My stomach feels so tight and itchy already. I feel like my dinner just sits in my chest after I eat. I'm sleepy. I'm stuffed up and sneezy (common pregnancy symptom). My pregnancy brain has already embarrassed me a few times. And my jewelry is irratating my skin!! Geez, it sounds like I'm all of the seven dwarfs rolled into one. This pregnancy is already so different than it was with Lilly. I didn't dare complain when I was pregnant with Lilly. I was just so happy to be pregnant that I didn't care about anything else. I'm still happy and feel incredibly blessed to have this new baby growing inside of me, but maybe I'm a little more human this time around. Maybe because I know what to expect this time. I know way way way more about pregnancy, the good and the bad, than I ever did with Lilly's pregnancy. The more you know, the more you grow (literally)! But I'm going to soak up every minute of this pregnancy as I can because as hard as it can be, it's the most incredible experience you can have. 

I can't wait to meet this baby. 

Here We Go Again!

November 1, 2014

7 weeks 4 days

We found out we were pregnant the Friday morning of October 10. We found out we were pregnant with Lilly on a Friday morning too. It's hard to describe the feeling those 2 pink lines give you. We giggled like kids. We laughed and joked about having a baby while living upstairs in my parents house. We hope we are settled into a new house by then, but I guess there is a possibility we won't be, depending on when we sale our house. But right now we are just focusing on the positives! 

We had our first ultrasound on October 29. The baby was upside down so it looks like they are standing on their head :) We heard a strong heartbeat of 141. Best sound ever. And just like that I had the same feelings I did with Lilly. It feels weird to think about loving another baby as much as I love Lilly, but I don't think this is going to be a problem. Our due date is June 17. Lilly's due date was April 16, but she was born on the 4th. I wonder what this baby will do? I've already asked the baby to please be born on the last week of school so I can enjoy a nice long summer with him or her. Lilly seems excited and she keeps telling us she has a baby in her tummy too, named Ella Charles! 

But holy moly.... I never knew something the size of a blueberry could make me so sick. I guess this baby is already trying to outdo their big sister. I have puked and puked and puked some more. I constantly feel like I drank 15 beers the night before. I've even had throw up parties at work!! One day after school I drove straight to my grandparents house and laid on their couch for an hour. When we were sick as kids, we called their couch the "sick couch" because we would lay on it all day while grandma took care of us. The dr gave me medicine on Wednesday. Thursday was the first day in a while that I haven't lost my food. But the medicine makes me feel funny, very drowsy but jittery. And on top of that, I puked after our trick-or-treat hay ride on Halloween. Boo. This baby better be cute!! 

November 8th, 2014

8 weeks 4 days 

I need to knock on every piece of wood I see.. But... I think I'm starting to feel better. I stopped taking the first medicine the dr gave me and now I just have zofran. I'm only taking it if I feel like I'm about to puke. Yesterday and today I have felt half way normal, just a little queezy. Maybe I will be back to normal by Thanksgiving!! 

And can we talk about this baby bump! I guess it is true that you show earlier with your 2nd. None of my pants fit. I never thought maternity clothes would feel so good. We decided to announce my pregnancy now because it's getting pretty dang obvious. And we are excited. And I'm pretty sure my nieces already told everybody they knew. I think we announced Lilly's pregnancy even sooner than this baby. We are horrible at keeping secrets. Babies are blessings... Even if they do make you sick :) 

Same Ol' Same Ol'

Well, let's see here. I haven't sat down and wrote a blog in a few months! That means life is super busy, and boy is it! Except right now. Right now Lilly and I and Mike are watching Peter Pan. One of her (and my) favorites. She keeps calling me "mom" tonight instead of "mommy". I can't decide if this is cute or heartbreaking. 

So, here's what we have been up to! School is great and exhausting. I love Deep River and everybody I work with. My students are way to sweet and they have some awesome parents. We had a pumpkin day today where we counted and sorted pumpkin seeds. The kids brought in 15 pumpkins! 15!!!! It was a fun day. But one thing I didn't expect was how different it would be to teach in a new county. In some ways I feel like a first year teacher all over again as far as staying late and getting everything done. But that's slowing down now that the first quarter is over and things are starting to feel a little normal. 

Except that we still live with my parents. Which is fine and they are super helpful. But I never knew how much I would miss my own bed. Holy moly I miss that bed. We have had lots of people look at our house, which is great, but no bites yet. I hope we have our own place sooner than later. And I know we will. Just putting my faith into Gods plan for us! But I wouldn't mind if you said an extra prayer for us tonight. I would love to have a new house for Christmas! Maybe I'll add that to Lilly's list for Santa. 

On more exciting news, Lilly is 99% potty trained!!! She is in panties full time, even during naps, but diapers at night. This is all because of her wonderful teacher at school. I was going to try and potty train her over the summer, but I was too lazy and didn't have a clue what to do, so thank goodness for her teacher that picked up my slack. Now she won't have to go to kindergarten in diapers! Score! 

So, overall things are good :) We get to see Cole, Lindsay, Addison, Aunts, Uncles, and Grandparents anytime we want. And that has made everything else totally worth it. Even not having our own king bed to sleep in. Excited about our future :) 

If you can read this, thank a teacher.

It's here. The night before the first day of school. I'm excited and nervous and anxious. I probably won't sleep well. I have my backup alarm set. And at 7:40 am I will be greeting my new bunch of 2nd graders with a big smile on my face and a warm hug. There are thousands of teachers out there tonight who are laying in bed right now finalizing their plans, rehearsing their day, making their lunch, laying out their clothes, and adding their students into class dojo. This blog post goes out to you. You are the reason why learning about decimals is fun. You are the reason why children can't wait to check out their next library book. And for some, you are the reason they even come to school. 

Teachers are powerful. 

Think back to your favorite teacher. I have many, but my absolute favorite is Mrs. Fran Bradely. She was my first teacher ever, and I remember many things about kindergarten, like our teddy bear picnic and singing songs at our Christmas program. She made school fun. I would come home and play school until it was time for supper. I told anybody that asked that I was going to be a teacher when I grew up.

 And then the time came to make a decision about college and a career path, and all of a sudden I felt nervous. That's a huge decision to make, and I didn't want to make the wrong one. I quietly cried myself to sleep a few times worrying about that decision and leaving home, even though I told my parents I couldn't wait to go to college. Did I really want to be a teacher? They didn't make squat and they had to give all these assessments. I wasn't so sure anymore. I prayed that God would lead me in the right direction. I prayed for a "sign", like many do when they come to a fork in the road. And then, there it was. Sitting in my mailbox one day that summer. A letter from Mrs. Bradely. 

As I read the letter, I learned about all of my fellow classmates from that kindergarten class in 1990. You see, Mrs. Bradely had taken the time to research what all of us were doing and where we were headed after graduation, and then found all of our addresses and mailed us the poem she wrote. She did this every single year, with every single class she taught. 

And that is why I graduated with a degree in Elementary Education. Not because teachers make the big bucks, or because they get summers off, but because they can make a difference in the life of a child every single day they enter that classroom. 

Teachers are powerful. 

God bless the teachers of North Carolina as they start their 2014-2015 school year. I pray that God gives you the patience, time, and energy you will need, and I pray that you can touch the life of a child each and every day. Let's do this! 

Through The Eyes of a Two Year Old

There have been many things that have surprised me after becoming a parent. I'm surprised how much I can accomplish with little to no sleep (basically Lilly's whole first year). I'm surprised at all the little things that gave me anxiety (I'm guilty of misusing google). I'm surprised at how FAST she is growing and changing.

But one thing that has surprised me the most is that I learn more from Lilly than she does from me. My daughter teaches me more about life than I teach her. Have you ever seen life through the eyes of a two year old? It's pretty spectacular. It's humbling. It's innocent. It makes big things seem small, and small things seem big. 

Just the other night, I was getting Lilly ready for bed after a long, hot summer day. We went downstairs to let the dogs out and of course Lilly wanted to walk outside too. My inner voice was saying "great, this is going to take longer than it should", but being too tired to fight the tantrum that might happen if we didn't go outside with the dogs, we went and stood on the porch. I told the dogs to hurry so we could all go to bed... And then the sweetest little two year old voice I've ever heard said "ohh look at the stars mommy, they beautiful". And sure enough, there they were. Hundreds of stars twinkling in the sky.. And I saw them through the eyes of my two year old. Magical. Beautiful. Breathtaking. 

We stood outside for a very long time that night, just looking at the stars. 

Life is busy, and life is short, so thank you Lilly Bug for showing me how important it is to appreciate the simple moments in life. Thank you for showing me how every day things can still be beautiful. But most of all, thank you for allowing me to see life through your precious little eyes. 

Every Summer Has A Story

Sheesh...This summer needs to get a speeding ticket it's been going so fast!! We have been having so much fun. Our upstairs palace in my parents house is slowly becoming home for us and everybody has adjusted pretty well (yay!)... Even the dogs have become best friends. 

I spent the beginning part of this summer keeping my nieces while they were out for summer. That consisted of many pool days (yes, I mastered putting sunscreen on 3 kids and myself! Where's my trophy?), golf cart rides through the woods, ice cream, dress up, going to the park, and watching old school Disney movies. Lilly is obsessed with her cousins and they are actually very helpful with her too. They even like changing her diaper (score!!!). The girls started school last week (year round) so now it's just the two of us. We loveeeeee our visits with Ella Charles (aka the cutest baby in the world). Lilly loves her so much that she even tries to act just like her when we visit.. Stealing her paci's and everything... 

We have also spent some much needed time at the beach with our families. Lilly and Cole had a "friendly" competition to see who could pee pee on the potty the most! I think potty training is right around the corner. Oh boy! 

Lilly has really been enjoying her weekly gymnastics class! It's way too cute. They even play the Frozen soundtrack which takes it to a whole new level. She has mastered her front roll and pencil roll! 

Operation toddler bed didn't go over as planned... So Lilly is actually in the big queen bed in the room beside us with a bed rail. Our rooms are connected with a jack and jill bathroom which is the only way she can get to our room since her door is closed off. I have woken up twice to her staring at me in the face, even though the video monitor volume was on full blast. That has freaked me out so we are working on teaching her to yell out to us if she wakes up instead of getting off the bed. 

I spent a glorious girls weekend with my best friends in Wilmington this past weekend. It was so relaxing! We decided to venture out to a roof top bar Saturday night. You know you're a mom when they play "I'm Sexy and I Know It" and all you know is the Elmo version of the song. Such a fun weekend! 

http://youtu.be/dme9clldFts

So now we are just going to enjoy our last few weeks before I start work (teaching 2nd grade at Deep River Elementary!!!) and Lilly starts daycare. Maybe I won't cry this year..!? Yeah right, I'm about to cry just thinking about it. 

Slow down summer!! :) 

Daddy To The Rescue

We are officially all moved in with my parents! And it only took a little bit of blood, sweat, and tears! :) 

My mom came down last Wednesday to stay with Lilly and me. I used her car to get the last little bit of what was left in my classroom since it's a lot bigger than my car. She kept Lilly and cleaned the house which was a HUGE help. Then she drove my car back to Sanford on Friday so I could pack the rest of our stuff in her bigger back seat. I went to work for about an hour to finish up some last min things and to say goodbye to my fabulous coworkers. That was hard and so bittersweet. I am really going to miss Grifton. 

Mike came on Friday and once again Lilly was SO happy to see him. I am so so so glad that phase 1 of moving back home is over. Being away from Mike for 4 weeks was the hardest thing ever, and he absolutely hated being away from Lilly. 

We spent all day Saturday getting the house ready. Mike put the "For Sale" sign in the yard and spent the whole day outside cutting the grass and hauling off stuff to the dump. Lilly and I stayed inside and finished cleaning/packing. By 3:00 we had packed up both cars and were ready to hit the road. But there was one problem..... 

I couldn't find my moms car keys! I started searching every single place that I thought a toddler would hid keys (trash can, toilet, couch cushions, all the bags in the car..) until I decided that they were nowhere to be found. A quick phone call home confirmed my worst fear... The keys to my moms car were in her pocketbook.. Which was with her.... In SANFORD! 

Thank goodness Lilly was staring at me, because I probably would have NOT kept my cool as good as I did. And besides... How mad can I be at the lady who is letting me move in to her house with a husband, toddler, and dog... For free! She's lucky she's so great! 

Daddy to the rescue!! My wonderful dad jumped right in his car and drove 2 hours to deliver the keys so we could go home. I have never been so happy to see the Lee County sign in all of my life... And wine! 

We got home around 7 and I unpacked everything into our new room. It feels so good to not have to be apart from Mike anymore! We celebrated Father's Day on Sunday with both of our daddy's and didn't have to drive 2 hours back to Winterville. I could get used to this :) Life is so good. 

Home Again, Home Again

I've been waiting a while to write this blog! The short version is that Mike got a new job, our house is on the market, and we are moving in with my parents. Yes, you read that right! Operation move closer to home is in full swing! 

Here's the long version:

We have been wanting to move closer to home for a while now, especially since having Lilly. We had our house on the market last year but took it off after 6 months. Mike looked up jobs daily around the Raleigh area. Nothing much was really happening. He graduated in December with his Masters Degree in GIS from NC State. He applied for a few jobs that caught his eye and we just waited and prayed! He got a call from the City of Durham and had an interview over Skype. We prayed some more. Then he got called for a 2nd interview, this time face to face. A few weeks later he got the call that he got the job (hubby brag: he beat out 60 people for this job!!!) And that is when we realized that life as we know it was about to get crazy! 

Mike started his job 3 weeks ago so we have only been able to see him on the weekends. He is living with his sister and commuting to Durham. Our families have been so great during all of this. Lilly and I are still here so I can finish out the school year. This part of our new journey has been HARD. Thank goodness for FaceTime. Lilly has had a hard time not seeing her daddy everyday. This past weekend absolutely melted my heart when she saw him. She just kept pointing at him and smiling and wanted lots of hugs. 

I've really upped my cooking skills. Instead of making plain spaghetti, I've spiced it up and added cheese to it. Thank goodness for my friend Amy inviting us over for dinner and playtime with Emma! That was super helpful and super thoughtful. And Lilly loves playing with her Emma. :) 

The hardest part has been getting us both up and ready in the mornings and dropping Lilly off at daycare by 7 am. She's cried a lot while dropping her off. That just makes my heart hurt so much. But just a few more days of that and then it's summer break!!! 

So the last part of this new crazy adventure is that we are moving in with my parents until we can sell our house here. When I thought about moving closer to home, I didn't realize I would be this close! But I'm sure lots of almost 30 year olds with toddlers and husbands and dogs move in with their parents... Right? They have been amazing though. The whole basement has been turned into a playroom with Lilly's toys. It's kinda scary because we don't know how long it will take for us to sell our house, but they have done so much to make sure we are comfortable during this transition. And now I get to raid my moms closet and makeup drawer whenever I want! Right mom!!? 

We have also put Lilly's TODDLER BED upstairs at my parents house. I'm sure there will be a blog about this soon as we transition her out of our bed into her big girl bed! Oh joy! 

I've also applied and interviewed at some schools and will update about that when everything is "official". 

All that's left to do is find a new daycare and pediatrician for Lilly. Any recommendations would be great!! 

So this is our crazy life right now! My mom is coming down on Wednesday to help me pack up my classroom and Mike will be here Friday so we can finish a few things at the house before we are out of here for good and can be together again. So bittersweet. Tune in for the hilarious blogs to come about living with your rents, husband and toddler. 

God is so good. 

Roots and Wings

Lilly is getting too big too fast!!! Each day I am surprised by the new words and songs she sings, but also a tiny bit sad to see the baby in her drift away. It's like one big tug-of-war match and I'm on both ends! These are some things I love right now and some things I miss. 

Love- all of this wild hair!! And the few times she lets me play with it and put bows in it. 

Miss- her peach fuzz and wondering what color it would be. For a while we thought she might have some redish hair. 

Love- her new pj's! They start making nightgowns in 2T size and she has a Minnie Mouse one. So incredibly cute. And she never wants to take it off in the mornings. 

Miss- onesies. Especially when it's hot and I could just throw a onesie on her and let her play, not to mention how cute her little tush looked in one. 

Love- all the running around the house and the sound of her little footsteps. That is a sound that makes my heart smile. 

Miss- the only form of transportation she had was the boot(y) scooting boogie. Lilly never really crawled, but instead she would scoot around on her booty. That's my Lilly! Always doing things in her own unique way! 

Love- the way she uses her imagination when she plays, wether it's cooking me some food in her kitchen or pretending to be Elsa from Frozen. Let it go Lilly, let it go... 

Miss- just sitting down and holding her, or nursing, or letting her nap on me, staring at that beautiful face and wondering how I got so lucky. I still wonder that, but 2 year olds like to go go go in case you didn't know. :) 

Love- the way she can ask for things and tell me what she needs, like milk, or a snack, or to go outside. Ok, sometimes it's more of a demand but we work on using manners everyday. 

Miss- all of those huge milestones babies have during that first year, like sitting up, crawling, walking, eating, first words. I miss the anticipation of it. I know she has a ton of things to still achieve and I'll make sure I'm her biggest cheerleader! 

Love- being her mommy. I will always love this. She is our biggest accomplishment. Bigger and better than anything else we have ever done. I pray that we continue to give her roots to encourage her to be a good person, and at the same time, give her wings so she can soar. The other day she helped put a band aid on her daddy's finger because he had a booboo. I asked her if she was going to be a nurse and she said, "Yes, I be a nurse." ... We shall see Lilly! You can be anything your little heart desires... Just slow down a little please. 

Terrific Twos

We officially have a two year old folks! Your life is very busy with two year olds so I haven't had time to write a blog recently. We have been playing with all of her new birthday toys and watching Frozen (over, and over, and over....) I sing the songs just as much as Lilly does (I'm sure Mike just absolutely loves this!) :) 

The morning of Lilly's birthday I found myself anxiously watching the clock. I kept telling her what mommy was doing at that exact moment 2 years ago. And then it finally reached 8:47 am and Lilly was officially two!! Wow!! That happened super fast! 

She had a wonderful party and her best friend Emma came all the way from Greenville so that was very very special. First Baptist was an awesome place to have a party. There were tons of toys for them to play with and they ran all over the gym. Perfect for two year olds that don't sit still, ever! :)  

So two has been awesome so far! Our little busy bee is talking up a storm, loves to pretend play with her babydolls (she calls every babydoll Ella Charles), loves her Disney movies, and LOVES to play outside. She gets cutier by the second and she is absolutely hilarious. We are just really enjoying life right now with our Lilly Bug. And even though we don't go out to dinner much and spend most of our time chasing her all over the place, two is terrific! 

Bye Bye Baby

Welp... It's the end of an era folks. Lilly hasn't nursed since Friday morning. I knew this day would come, and I knew it was right around the corner, but this mommy is experiencing all kinds of emotions right now. 

Excited: I'm excited for all of the new ways Lilly and I can bond. She's finally letting me put her hair in pigtails. I can't wait to braid her long hair and play beauty salon, and all of the other fun girlie stuff we can do! 

Scared: I'm so scared my "almost" 2 year old busy body will not cuddle with me as much as we did while nursing. It's how we started our mornings and ended our days. I'll still demand she gives me 15 minutes of cuddle time or I'm going to throw a huge tantrum...

Sad: I'm definitely feeling this emotion big time. When I nursed her Friday morning I remember telling myself that would probably be the last time I nurse her. She wasn't nursing much anymore and she was going to be with my parents on Saturday so I had already decided to take advantage of that situation and start weaning her. I was going to let her nurse if she threw a huge fit about it but she hasn't done that so I know we are officially done. She has still asked a few times but quickly forgets. I told her they were broken. That part is breaking my heart, but I'm hoping she will stop asking in a few more days. 

Hopeful: I am hopeful that I will figure out how to soothe and comfort Lilly in other ways now. I'm sure I will figure it out, but nursing was always our go to when she needed a little extra loving and cuddles. 

Proud: Gosh I am so proud. Proud of myself. Proud of my husband. Proud of my Lilly Bug. I never in a billion years thought I would nurse her past a year. But she showed no interest in stopping and I enjoyed our time so much, not to mention all of the healthy benefits she still received from nursing. She made nursing easy right from the beginning and I am very lucky we never had many struggles. It might not have been easy at times, but it has been worth it. 

Surprised: I can't believe how big Lilly looks to me now that I have my nursing goggles off. Um, she's a toddler!!!! How did this happen!?!? She says sentences. SENTENCES. Like "I want some milk" or "lay down mommy" or "I want a pickle please". But in all seriousness, my little baby is a baby no more. She is a free spirited, blue eyed, blonde haired, stubborn, hilarious, sweet, and energetic 23 month old little girl who will be 2 exactly one month from today. She has made our lives so full of joy and laughter and I love her more than words can say... and she will always be my little peanut. 

*to those mommies who reached out to me over the past two years with nursing questions, I am beyond flattered and proud of you too. I hope your nursing journey, wether long or short, was just as special to you as ours was to me. 

God is so BIG

God is doing big things in my life right now, and also in the lives of many people I know. I've been thinking about this blog and what to say and how to say it. I feel like God is telling me to share this so I'm just going to start typing and see what comes out. 

I grew up in a Christian family and we attended church every Sunday. I was in the youth choir, played the handbells, and went to Sunday school and youth group. I was baptized when I was 10 years old. Every now and then I would complain about having to leave my cartoons and PJ's to go to Sunday school using the excuse "I have to go to school all week, why do I have to go to Sunday school?". My parents never gave in to this though and I did love church. After church we would have Sunday lunch at my grandparents house with all of my cousins and aunts and uncles. My parents were doing their part of planting the seed of Christ in me. 

I graduated high school in 2003 and I was definitely living more for me than Christ at this stage in my life. I would pray but probably only when it was convenient for me. I received a bible from our church, just like all the graduates did, with a personalized note inside about always putting God first no matter what life had in store for me. That bible stayed tucked away in my drawer unopened for the next 8 years. 

I still went to church when I came home on the weekends and I still prayed when I needed to, but that was about all I did. Oh, and I still considered myself a Christian. 

I started hearing God talk to me around the time I got married. We definitely wanted God in our marriage and we decided to find a church to go to. I did start to pray that God would lead us to a church we both enjoyed. Many churches later and feeling like we might not find a good fit for us, we visited Memorial Baptist Church. 

We only attended the late service and we always sat in the back. People started talking to us and one older lady of the church kept inviting us to check out the Sunday school class she taught for young adults. We kinda blew her off and slept in instead. We decided to join the church though and Mike joined the softball team that spring and shortly after that we found out I was pregnant. Then we really started sleeping in and slowly stopped going to church altogether. I'm sure there were excuses that made us feel better like "we better sleep now while we can". And then Lilly was born.

Looking at that newborn baby that I grew in my belly was one of the most amazing moments of my life. THE most amazing moment of my life. I knew that we needed to raise this child to be a child of God. That was very important to me. As soon as we felt comfortable taking Lilly out in large crowds we went back to church. I was too scared to leave her in the nursery (she hadn't even started daycare yet) so Mike and I took turns standing in the lobby with her if she was fussy. Mike made the decision to get baptized one Sunday and I don't think I've ever felt so proud of him. We had a baby dedication for Lilly as well. We felt like we were on the right track with our relationship with God, but it wasn't always easy getting up and making it to church with a baby, and so we were still casual church goers. 

And then I lost my uncle. 

This completely devastated my family. My Uncle Mike was such a huge part of our family. He had this contagious smile and laugh. He was silly. He loved kids. He was a good person. 

I watched as the whole community of friends and family brought food and flowers and words of comfort. I asked myself how anybody could face the loss of a family member without God? I saw God through all of these people that came to comfort and grieve and laugh and share their favorite Mike stories. I watched my brothers cry. It was a hard time. I cried out to God to comfort us and help us through. That's when I started to see a change in my brother, Chad. 

If you know Chad, then you know what I'm talking about. He became filled with Christ's love. It completely overtook his body. At a time where he could have easily turned his back on God, he welcomed him with open arms. And it was contagious. And that's when Mike and I decided to join that Sunday school class. We were craving Gods love. It's been there all along. We just had to let it in. 100% let it in. 

God has spoken to me in two very specific ways since my Uncle passed away. Lilly last saw my Uncle Mike when she was 15 months old. We were recently looking at some pictures in a photo book and Lilly saw his picture, pointed to him, and said "Uncle Mike" clear as day. I'm not sure how she remembered him, but I like to think that she sees him in her dreams. I'm sure he's tossing her up in the air and catching her over and over. 

The second time I felt God was last weekend. I was driving home to Sanford to visit my grandparents for the day and to see my parents new puppy. Lilly was in the back seat sleeping like she usually does on our trips home. I was just crossing the Lee County line and I switched the radio over to my favorite station... Oldies 105.5! "Sitting on the Dock of the Bay" started playing and I immediately started thinking about my Uncle. I have a specific memory of him singing this song while I was riding in the back of his truck with my cousin. He loved oldies music. I said a prayer and when I looked up into the sky I saw a perfectly formed cross made by two jets that had crossed each other at that exact moment. I felt God. I felt him wrap his arms around me. There's no other way to explain it. That my friends is not a coincidence. That is God. That is awesome. God communicates with us in many different ways. We just have to listen. Are you listening? Now's as good a time as any.

We have now been attending Sunday school every week since January and we have a new seat closer to the front during the church service. Lilly knows that every Sunday we go to church. We have started reading devotionals during the week and sharing what we have learned with each other. We have been emitional and cried with each other. We are just scratching the surface and we have so much to learn and grow but i'm glad we are on this journey of faith together. Now I know that God shouldn't just be a part of our marriage, he should be the CENTER of our marriage. We went down front one Sunday to pray with the preacher and have committed our lives to Christ. Again. 

And this time, there's no turning back. 

"Where was the Teacher?"

I was scrolling through Facebook after a particularly trying day at work one afternoon while Lilly ate her afternoon snack. I came across a post about something that had happened to a kid at school and my curiosity got the best of me so I decided to read through the comments... And there it was... A comment from a parent that said "Where was the teacher!?". 

Maybe it was because my day had been spent doing everything possible to make sure my students were safe and protected.. Oh yeah, and learning something... Or maybe it was just because I am a teacher... But whatever the reason, that comment irked me to my core. TO. MY. CORE. I wanted so badly to write some really sophisticated response to her comment but I decided to move on. But here I sit with that comment still on my mind like it was directed right to me! But in a way it was! It was directed at ALL teachers. If only these people would spend an hour in a classroom (or even volunteer a day!!!) I guarantee you that comment would never be made again. So, let me just answer your question as to where the teacher was. 

1. They were giving one of the thousands of assessments the state makes us do, either whole group or one on one. Don't believe me? Ask a third grade teacher specifically to fill you in...

2. A child was throwing up. 

3. A child had a nose bleed. 

4. A child had a bathroom accident. 

5. A child needed their inhaler or epi pen (yes teachers administer those) or other form of medication. 

6. They were on the phone with a child's parent because of the above reasons, or because their child was misbehaving, or because their child needed lunch money, or because their child said their Uncle Rico was picking them up today and you have no idea who Uncle Rico is. 

6. All of their time and energy was focused on that one student who didn't take their medicine that day. 

7. They turned their back for one second to write something on the board. FYI teachers really don't have eyes in the back of their heads.. Shhhh... Don't tell the students. 

8. They were hugging the child that was crying about their pet goldfish that had died, or about their daddy being in jail, or about being hungry because they didn't have dinner the night before. 

9. They were talking a student into putting down the gun they had in their hands. Don't believe me? Ask John Masterson, a middle school teacher at a school in New Mexico. 

10. They were TEACHING. 

Please don't automatically assume that the teacher was doing anything short of their job the next time you see or hear a comment like that. The teacher cannot control every single thing that a child chooses to do and they cannot stop every single action before it happens. Lets hold the child accountable for his or her bad choice. And please, now more so than ever, SUPPORT teachers. Pray for them. Somedays we need hugs too.