2013- A Year to Remember

As we reach the end of another year, I cant help but reflect on all of the many things Lilly has accomplished and experienced this year. I'm going to let her tell you all about it! 

I turned 9 months old last January. I learned how to pull up and one morning my mommy found me standing up in my crib! I made her scream with excitement. My favorite mode of transportation was to scoot around on my bottom... Crawling is for the birds ya know. I started saying words like baby, ball, dada, momma, and buck buck. My parents are always telling me how smart I am. I turned 1 in April and we had a big party just for me!! Only I wasn't feeling that well because I had my first ear infection. I threw my cupcake on the floor. Mom says that will make a great story to share when I get older. A few weeks later I took my first steps. My mom cried! Sheesh mom. It didn't take me long to start walking all over the place. We took a trip to the lake and we found out that I was going to have a new baby cousin! School got out and I got to stay home with my mom all summer! We built forts and went to the park. I got my first pair of crocks. We took some trips. My favorite trip was the beach. I got to spend a whole week with my cousins! And I went on my first boat ride. Mom said to go slow, I think she was nervous. I went to the Marbles Museum and the Life and Science Museum in Raleigh. I went to the zoo and saw some animals. My favorite animal was the elephant. I also went to Charlottesville, VA and got to swim in KK's big pool and I went all the way to Charleston, SC and met my Spivey cousins and my new baby cousin Gus. He gives sweet kisses. When we got back my mom was sad because we lost a very special family member. She said she can't wait to tell me all about my Uncle Mike when I get older. I spent summer nights on my front porch. School started back in August and I made so many new friends. I love my new teacher. I got 4 baby chicks! I named one Pickle. I went to a pumpkin patch with my friend Emma and I went trick-or-treating with her! I was a princess. I also painted my pumpkin. My mommy said I was the next Picasso, whoever that is. My mommy painted my toenails for the first time! Sparkly is my favorite color. I started saying more and more words and I love singing songs. Old McDonald, Twinkle Twinkle, ABC, and The Wheels on the Bus are my favorite. I went to an ECU tailgate and my Aunt Jen Jen had a wedding shower! She got married and I got to be a flower girl and wear a pretty dress! Oh yeah, and wait till you hear this!! I went to DISNEY WORLD! I saw Mickey, Minnie, all of the princesses, fireworks, parades, another elephant, you name it! Mom said all I have to do if I want to go back is ask D-daddy... I'll have to remember that. I have 12 teeth now and my hair is starting to grow and I've grown two shoe sizes. I celebrated Thanksgiving and Christmas with my family and everybody played with me. I even saw Disney on Ice... twice!! My daddy ran a 5k and I was there to cheer him on. He also graduated with his Masters Degree in GIS! He said I could get my doctorate if I wanted to. I need to make it through kindergarten first. I can do a front roll now and mommy says I'm almost ready for my first pair of tap shoes! I have grown so much this year! My mommy says I'm a toddler now. I'm still an extremely picky eater but that's just me. And I love me. And my parents realllly love me. They tell me all the time! And I can say it back now! I wonder what 2014 will be like? Only time will tell! 

That Moment

We are an hour and a half into our 9 hour drive to DISNEY WORLD! So far Lilly has slept. We are riding with my nieces who are eagerly waiting for her to wake up. I figured this would be a great time to write an extremely cheesy blog about seeing Lilly for the first time. 

I have a good friend and cousin that are both pregnant right now with their first little ones. Audrey Jo is going to have her little girl any second now (although I told her she CANNOT have her while we are in Disney) and Julie's little girl is due in February.  I am so excited for them. I am so excited for them. I am SO EXCITED FOR THEM! They are about to experience "that moment". It is so hard to describe that moment in words. You hear everybody say "it was the best moment of my life" and this is very true... It will be the best moment of your life, but what makes it the best moment? It's seeing her face for the first time, hearing her cry out, that skin-to-skin contact when they lay her on your chest, and just that overall feeling of "she's finally here"! Time will stand still, tears will flow, and you will not be able to take your eyes off of her. You will kiss her more times in that first hour than you can count. You will share her with your family. Your heart will melt when your husband holds her. You will feel so much peace and joy and you will thank God over and over for this wonderful gift. The gift of motherhood. There's nothing like it! 

And you will think back at that moment a lot over those first few years and your heart will swell up all over again. Make sure a nurse takes plenty of pictures to capture those first moments you will share with your daughter. Look at them often as a reminder of how blessed you are (especially when they are teething or when they learn the word no...). So here's to my pregnant friends! You will soon be able to see your feet again, bend over, walk and not waddle, and experience the most incredible moment of your life. I'm so excited for you! 

Mommy Daycare

Somebody's 19 months old today! We are home today due to an ear infection that snuck up on us this weekend, just in time for daddy's arrival back home! He was gone all last week to a training in New York. Boy was I glad to see him! This is how our week went without our main squeeze.   

Monday- Monday was a teacher work day and Mike took Lilly to daycare before he left for the airport. After work Lilly and I hung out at the park with Miss Angela and Miss Margaret (my teacher friends). When we got home I made the biggest pot of spaghetti in the world to last me the whole week. Mike is the cook in our family so by this time I was really missing him! Then I gave us both a shower and settled down for the night in the bed with Lilly Bug. Overall, Monday was a success! 

Tuesday- I had to wake up at the crack of dawn to make sure Lilly got to daycare at 7 so I wouldn't be late for work. Lilly slept in though so that made it easier for me. I had to wake her up and get her ready in 10 minutes before we headed out the door. We were late... She screamed bloody murder when I dropped her off. I had speghatti for lunch. I picked Lilly up after work and she was not ready to leave daycare... Everytime I went to pick her up she would run away laughing. So we stayed and played outside for about 30 more minutes. When we got home I ate spaghetti for dinner and Lilly had her usual dinner of yogurt, cheese, and pickles (I kid you not) but she did at least taste some spaghetti. Then we got our shower and settled down for the night. Oh crap! The chickens!!! We got back out of bed and gave the chickens water and food. Sorry chickens. 

Wednesday- Woke up even earlier than the crack of dawn and Lilly slept in again. She still cried when I dropped her off but I wasn't late this time! I ate spaghetti for lunch. Wednesday night was McTeacher night for our school. I had signed up to be there from 5-6 so I drove into town to get Lilly and then went right to the McDonalds near my school. Since I couldn't really help in the back Lilly and I were the greeters. Lilly had a good time running around and I got to show her off to a few of my students. When we got home I ate... you guessed it...spaghetti. By this point I (and my tummy) missed my husband terribly. 

Thursday- Thursday was Halloween! Lilly got to wear her costume to daycare and I had to bring in goldfish for their class party.. And I remembered!!! She didn't cry and I wasn't late for work! I had spaghetti for lunch. I'm pretty sure my students were starting to call me spaghetti lady behind my back. "Spaghetti AGAIN Mrs. Stec??". After work I picked Lilly up and we met up with her friend Emma and Sophia at Chick-fil-a for dinner!! My taste buds were singing! Then we went out trick-or-treating. We were not sure how this would play out but it turns out that our children love getting candy from complete strangers! I was going to put the candy that she collected in my treat box at school but I clearly have no self control around candy. This was one of the best nights I have ever had. My child amazes me every single day. 

Friday- Yay we made it!!! Lilly was walking into daycare no problem by Friday. I picked her up and we went home to play. I ate a hot pocket for dinner and we watched Elmo. Mikes flight got delayed and he didn't leave NY until 8:00 pm. Lilly and I went to bed only to have her wake up a few hours later with a fever. This was the start of her ear infection. Mike got home at midnight and the rest of the weekend was spent taking care of Lilly Bug. Oh yeah... And eating the most delicious chicken wings my husband has ever made! We missed you honey!! 

The Simple Things In Life

Thank God for simple days. Sometimes we get so caught up in the exciting things going on in our lives that we forget how special a regular ordinary day can be. We have been on the go so much these last two months because there have been many wonderful things to celebrate (birthdays, cookouts, and a very special wedding) but this weekend was spent cleaning up the house and wearing pj's. 

Today, Mike started on a new batch of home brew. Our house smells like grains. The dog got a bath, I drank a wonderful cup of coffee and Lilly played on her slide and pulled out every shoe from our closet. We ate leftover pizza for lunch, and Lilly is going on a 3 hour nap (this however is not normal!). I think a trip to the park is in our future, followed by a trip to the grocery store. 

So thank you God for days like today. Days that are care free and easy. Days that remind me how blessed I am. It really is the simple things in life that make you the happiest. 

Love and Marriage

It was brought to my attention today that the next time a person asks how old Lilly is, I can say "she's one and a half". Not 18 months, not one, but one and a HALF. As in... Half way to two! Eekk!! Goodness gracious that is just craziness. Complete craziness. These last 18 months have been filled with ups and downs and twists and turns. I have learned so much more than I ever knew I could and have loved so much more than I ever knew I could. It hasn't always been easy, but boy has it been worth it! This blog is about marriage and a baby, and what that baby does to a marriage. 

Mike and I started dating in high school.  We got married after seven years of dating and I thought I knew everything there was to know about him, and I'm sure he thought the same. But somehow I learned more about him everyday and he learned more about me. Two years after we got married we found out we were pregnant. And boy was that a whole new learning experience. And then we had Lilly, and that has been the biggest learning experience of all.

 The day Lilly was born was the absolute most amazing day of our lives. Nothing is going to top that day. I nursed her on demand every 2 hours (or less) and Mike changed every single poopy tar diaper. We were a team and we were in this together. That first week was perfect. Mike was home the first week and continued his diaper duty and my mom was with us too so we could get a nap here and there and some home cooked meals. I had help all around me. My mom cleaned my entire house (since Lilly surprised us two weeks early our house wasn't exactly ready). Life was so good. It was like a magic fairy had sprinkled happy dust all over my freaking house. 

They say that there is a HUGE hormonal drop around day 7 postpartum. They were right. Mike went back to work, my mom went back home, and I realized that I had a real actual baby that was mine to feed and change and keep alive. And the closest family members I had were all 2 hours away. I cried and cried and cried some more. I was filled with anxiety around 6:00 every night because I knew it was going to be another long sleepless night of nursing and diaper changing. I didn't ask for help because I also had anxiety about Mike getting enough sleep to be able to function at work. I didn't have to get out of my pj's the next day, or brush my hair, or even brush my teeth! But Mike did and I wanted to make sure he was ok. He would kiss me goodbye in the morning and I would cry from lack of sleep. But once I got started with our day I would be totally fine.. Until 6:00 pm when the anxiety would creep back in. This lasted for about 3-4 weeks... And then we had a come to Jesus meeting. I had to recognize that I couldn't do it all myself and Mike had to recognize that I was a crazy hormonal nursing freak that needed some more help. And so we made more of a plan on how to handle these sleepless nights. Mike changed the diapers and then handed her off to me for the nursing. 

This was just one of the many "come to Jesus meetings" we have had over the last 18 months. We have argued because we were tired. We have argued because we didn't see eye to eye on something. And the only thing that helps us after an argument is compromise. Sometimes it's hard, but we have definitely learned how to compromise and communicate on a whole different level since having Lilly, which has only made our marriage stronger. It's not all about us anymore. Now we have this little person that we have to think of and put first. Which leads me to my next realization after baby...

Dads are going to feel left out or not needed at one point or another, and this is something else we had to learn how to balance. Here I was nursing Lilly 24/7, changing diapers, giving baths, and practicing tummy time while Mike was at work getting a picture text of Lilly every hour. I knew that child like the back of my hand. I knew what her cries meant and the exact way she had to be held or bounced to calm her down. We were stuck like glue. But all of my energy and attention were going into this little baby that I had no energy or attention left to give my husband. This is a hard one for moms and dads. And once again we had to learn how to communicate on a whole new level. And over time we have learned that our marriage is just as important as Lilly and we have found a new balance. Lilly deserves to see two parents that love each other very much. Date nights and spending time doing things as a couple away from your child is important for your marriage. And you deserve that time with each other! All of those diaper changes and sleepless nights prove it. And it is so much easier now that Lilly's a little older. It's so easy to get wrapped up in all of the new parenthood things that you forget to make time for each other. It's not right or wrong, it's just another thing you have to work on. And it's always worth it. 

So those are some of the hard things we have gone through since having Lilly, but there have been far more wonderful things that have happened to our marriage. I have seen my husband in a totally new way. My heart melts when Lilly gives him a kiss, or when he makes her do the gut laugh, or when he sings and dances with her in the kitchen. I fall in love all over again. He has supported and encouraged and reassured me when I've questioned my mommy abilities and I have done the same for him. We have taking this incredibly awesome experience and grown our marriage into what it is now. We are nowhere close to perfect, believe me, but a promise is a promise, and I look forward to all of these new changes and experiences life will continue to bring as long as he's by my side holding my hand. We are in this together, forever and always. 

Wonderful Ones

I haven't blogged in over a month! Life has been so so busy since school started back. I spend my mornings sleeping in till the last possible second and my afternoons rushing to daycare to pick up my sweet Lilly Bug... Come home and play, eat dinner, give Lilly a bath, and then it's off to bed. We seriously live for the weekends. If you've ever been around a 1 year old then you know how much fun they are! I swear, each day with Lilly just gets better and better. I absolutely love this age. Here are a few things that I love the most right now:

Goodbye kisses in the morning 

The way she says "I wuv you"

How she constantly wants to go outside

The yogurt handprints on my front door

Finding random things of mine in random places (trash can, pantry, clothes hamper)

That there's a slide in my living room

Singing songs and hearing her little voice singing right along

The sound of her feet running across the floor

Her footed pajamas 

The way she likes to hold our hands

The way she says "Jesus" when we sing Jesus Loves Me

Her gut laugh when she's really cracked up about something... Ahhh that's the best 

Her fearlessness 

Her love for books

Her love for animals 

Her smile

The trail of Cheerios all over my house

Her artwork from school

Things I currently don't love:

Brushing teeth 

Cutting fingernails 

Leaving for work 

I know I've said this before, but I just absolutely love being a mom. Lilly continues to bring so much joy into our lives each and everyday. God has blessed our family so much. I feel like I have everything, like the luckiest person in the world. We sure do love our Lilly Bug! 

You Can Do It!

Since its been a year since I started my blog, I thought I would celebrate by blogging about something that is very important to me. Any guesses? That's right..... Breastfeeding! Now, let me start out by saying that wanting to not use formula is NOT the same as saying that formula is bad, and the mere existence of women who breastfeed does not serve to stigmatize those women who cannot or do not. Breastfeeding or formula feeding is a personal choice and you always have the right to chose how you feed your baby. Ok, so here we go! 

I attended a breastfeeding conference here in Pitt County last weekend with my good friend Julie who is pregnant. I didn't really know what to expect but it was wonderful! There were different booths set up with all different types of information for new moms on how to have a successful breastfeeding relationship with your baby. They had a few guest speakers that shared their breastfeeding stories and it got me thinking... If I could share my breastfeeding story, what would I say? 

I always knew I would breastfeed. I grew up watching older cousins breastfeed and I even breastfed my baby dolls I'm sure. Then I was able to watch my sister-in-laws breastfed all three of my nieces and nephew. And then I became pregnant. 

Mike and I never even had a discussion on whether or not I would breastfeed. Once we started to realize how expensive diapers and daycare were going to be, not having to buy expensive formula on top of that became the number 1 reason why I wanted to breastfeed. We attended a breastfeeding class together and I went in thinking I was going to learn how to get the baby to latch and how to hold the baby while breastfeeding and then be on my way.... Boy was I wrong. I had absolutely no idea how awesome breastfeeding was for the baby AND the momma. I learned that breastfeeding reduces the risk of a bunch of different cancers for mom. I learned that breastfeeding reduces illnesses in babies like allergies, obesity, and ear infections. I learned how breastmilk is always ready and always the right temperature for your baby. I learned a TON. I knew breastmilk was good, but I didn't know how good it was until after this class. And Mike was all about Lilly having something that was 100% natural. And all of a sudden, the fact that breastmilk is FREE became much lower on my list of why I wanted to breastfeed. I wanted the best for me and my baby. But even after this epiphany, I had no idea how much I would love nursing my child. 

I will never forget the moment when I breastfed Lilly for the first time, shortly after giving birth to her. Her little hand wrapped around my finger as tears fell from my face. It was the most beautiful moment I have ever experienced. And every time we hit a rough patch or I felt exhausted or felt like giving up (because that will happen at some point) I would think back to that moment and realize how awesome and lucky I am to be able to breastfeed. I've had times where I doubted my supply and wondered if Lilly was getting enough. I had to learn how to trust my body and my baby. I had to tune out any bad advice and rely on my mommy instincts. I had the most amazing support group of friends, family, lactation consultants, AND my amazing husband. Support is everything, especially in the beginning. And because of all this, I have been able to breastfeed Lilly for 16 months and counting. I have no idea when our breastfeeding journey will end. I stopped thinking of breastfeeding in terms of a goal a long time ago. I've nursed Lilly anywhere and everywhere, not just because it's my right and the law protects me or to make a statement, but simply because she was hungry. It has been the absolute best decision for our family. 

So for any mommies that are breastfeeding or are interested in breastfeeding, know that if I can do it, you can too! Get educated, get support, and enjoy every moment. 

Déjà Vu

It's been almost a year since I started my blog. I reread my first blog ever and I talked about going back to work and putting Lilly in daycare. And here I am again, a year later, blogging about the same thing... Only this time I'm going to be brutally honest... 

I AM A HOT MESS. 

I have cried and cried and cried some more. Just like the first time Lilly started daycare. Only this time is way different. Lilly is very aware and knows when I leave the room. Lilly is very attached to me (as I am to her!). Lilly only has a hand full of foods she will eat. And Lilly is SO MUCH FUN right now, which makes the thought of being away from her all day almost unbearable. How am I going to do this you guys? I physically feel like I can't do it. I can't leave her. I want the summer to go on forever. I would give up all of the other seasons just to have this hot, humid, sticky summer forever. 

But... Sigh.... I don't have a choice. I have to go back to work. I have to go back to reality. I have to get back into a routine. So, to prepare ourselves for this dreaded day, I've been taking Lilly to daycare this week for an hour or two so she can play and get to know her new teacher and so I could see what she will be doing in her new classroom. It's not like the nursery. It's a big girl room, where they do big girl stuff, like nap on a mat instead of a crib (or mommy's lap), eat their lunch at a table, and learn their colors and ABC's. I'm not sure what scares me more... The napping on a mat or eating the food that they serve at daycare or no more nursing during the day. During our visit today we decided to stay for lunch to see what Lilly would do. All of the other 4 toddlers washed their hands, sat at the table, and ate their orange slices, green beans, and noodles like a BOSS. Then they cleaned up, found their mat, and laid down for their nap. Not one kid cried, fussed, or threw food on the floor.... And then there was Lilly....

After I finally convinced her to sit in her chair, she played with her spoon. She refused to put any of it in her mouth. She refused to drink any milk out of the sippy cup. She put oranges on the floor. She said no no no to all of it. Then she got up and wanted to play with the toys. My heart fell all the way to my feet and the mommy guilt came pouring in. I try and try and try to offer new foods, but do I try enough? Were all of those awesome summer cuddling naps a huge mistake? Should I have tried to wean her this summer? 

Now, I know that toddlers are so resilient and catch on super fast... And I know that Lilly will learn to do these things too. But I also know that these first few weeks back are going to be very tough. Will she eat their food? Or will she be hungry because mommy isn't there to offer her something she likes... Like pickles... Or peanut butter... Or cheese. My heart was so heavy after today's visit. I just want Lilly to eat like all the other kids. 

So tonight at dinner Mike said a prayer, and I said an extra silent prayer that Lilly would learn to eat better... And what happened next is an example of how God answers prayers immediately sometimes. Lilly ate an ENTIRE slice of pizza, pepperonis and all!!!!!!! This is the first time anything like this has ever happened in her 16 months of life. I wanted to do cartwheels across the restaurant. And just like that, my anxiety was gone (well, almost gone). I will never regret those extra cuddles we shared this summer or nursing Lilly longer than I ever thought I would. Life is short. Lilly is going to be fine. Mommy is going to be fine. And the wheels in the sky will keep on turning. 

We Are Family

After being away from my husband and home for almost 2 weeks, we are slowly getting back to our regular routine. Lilly has been walking around the house calling out to Cole, Greg, Chad, Liz, Addie, Lindsay, Nana, and D-Da hoping that one if them will pop up from behind the door and say peek-a-boo! I wish the same thing. 

If you look up the definition of "family" in the dictionary it will say something like this:  a social unit consisting of one or more adults together with the children they care for. 

This is not exactly true. Family is so much more than that. Your family  are the people that are by your side in good times and in bad. Your family does things for you without being asked just because they care. They put your needs first when you need a shoulder to lean on, no matter how busy they are. Your family spends time with you, checks in on you,  and does things to show they love you without asking for anything in return. 

If I had to give a definition of what family is, I would say this: Family is like music, some high notes, some low notes, but always a beautiful song. 

Thank you to all of my wonderful family who has shown me what that word truly means. But more importantly, thank you for showing Lilly. She has so many wonderful role models in her life already and she doesn't even know it. What a lucky girl! 

Cool As A Cucumber

Do you ever look at your beautiful, sweet, loving child and think... OMG I'm so frustrated!!!!? 

It happens. And if you say you have never had a frustrating moment with your bundle of joy then you are not human. There is a reason why God made babies so gosh darn cute.

I'd like to think I'm pretty good at keeping my cool and I'm a very patient person (you kind of have to be if you work with children) but even I have thrown a tantrum that made me stop and think... Which one is the toddler here? 

Diaper changes. Oh how you've changed since Lilly became mobile. Every now and then I start feeling flustered while trying to put a diaper on a roly poly... Uh, I mean Lilly. Sometimes I give up and let her run around for a few minutes before trying again with a more relaxed attitude. This also test how brave you are... Especially if you have carpet in your house. 

There are two ways to look at this situation. My point of view would probably be something like this: FOR THE LOVE OF PETE WILL YOU PLEASE BE STILL FOR 2 MORE SECONDS SO I CAN GET THIS DAG ON DIAPER ON YOU AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. (Wow, that made my blood pressure rise just typing that!) 

From Lilly's point of view: I just want to play momma. I'm doing the best I can. I'm only one. 

And just like that I feel calm again. Toddlers love to move. Toddlers love to dance. Toddlers love to explore. Toddlers  are very curious about the world around them. And that's okay. So the next time your toddler pulls out all of the toilet paper, puts peanut butter all in their hair, or even rolls around during a diaper change, take a big breath and remind yourself that they are doing the best they can. 

And the next time your toddler is throwing a fit with crocodile tears and all, just tell yourself this- They are not giving you a hard time, they are having a hard time. There is a difference. And just by thinking that in my head it helps me to continue to be as cool as a cucumber. 

Change is Inevitable

Wow. June has been a huge month for us. Lilly started June with only 2 cute little bottom teeth. Lilly ended June with EIGHT cute little bottom AND top teeth. I thought her smile was precious before, but now it's just cuteness overload! Now that Lilly has all of these new teeth she's been trying more foods so that's a plus! She's still pretty picky but every now and then she will surprise us by putting something "unlilly like" in her mouth, like pizza crust! You go girl! 

Lilly is also giving kisses on the lips and hugs. Melts. My. Heart. I think it melts her daddy's heart even more. 

Lilly is also saying lots of words and repeating words. Her daddy came in and saw her with Oreo cookies all over her face and hands and said "oh man!"... So Lilly's new saying is "oh man!" and I love it! 

Our school got a new principal. This will be my 6th year teaching at Grifton School and my 4th principal. But you learn more and more with each change that happens so I'm trying to stay positive about that one! 

But the biggest change that has happened this month is that Lilly's sleeping in her crib in her own room. Yes, you read that right. We moved Lilly's crib upstairs last night. After finally getting Lilly to fall asleep Mike came in the room and she immediately woke up with a huge smile on her face like she was ready to go play. I looked at him and said "it's time". I could tell he didn't feel 100% ok about this, and neither did I to be honest. But we did feel like it was best for Lilly to be in her own room with no tv or snoring so she could sleep better. Lilly seems like she could care less about sleeping in her room. Tonight I'm feeling a tiny bit sad though. I never in a million years thought I would have my baby sleeping in the same room with us or even the same bed. But it actually makes a lot of sense to me now. I never slept alone as a child. I was always in my brothers bed or had my dog to cuddle with. I hate sleeping alone even as an adult! It's funny how you think you know everything there is to know about kids until you actually have one. Then everything you think you would do totally changes... At least it did for me. I'm proud that we didn't follow any rules. I'm proud that we did what we felt was best for our family. I'm proud that we ignored the looks on people's faces when we told them that Lilly slept in our room. And I'm so proud that we made this transition on our terms. Everybody has their own parenting style that will constantly evolve and change with their growing baby. Some parents (like us) just have to take a few more baby steps than others. And I'll still have my morning snuggle time with Lilly. I can't wait! Is it morning time yet? 

What's In a Name?

I realized today that I have a new name. I will be called this for the rest of my life. I've been hearing this name a lot over the past few months but it didn't really truly register with me until today. I was walking down the stairs with Lilly and she pointed to my bridal portrait on the wall and said it. 

Momma 

Yes baby girl. That is your momma! And boy has she changed since that picture was taken 4 years ago. But not in a bad way... She's changed in a way that all the other mommas out there can relate to. 

These are some reasons that I know I'm a MOMMA: 

All of my cute and sexy Victoria's Secret bras have been replaced with nursing bras for the time being. 

My outfit has to be "breastfeeding friendly" if we are going out and about. This gives the term "easy access" a whole new meaning. 

I secretly want to buy a minivan and fill it up with kids. 

I have the family stickers on the back of my car. And Mike had to talk me out of buying a "baby on board" sticker. But I'm so getting one when I get that minivan. 

Any purse I buy has to be big enough to carry diapers, wipes, butt cream, toys, books, snacks, extra onsies, shoes, sippy cups, a hat, sunscreen, and my wallet. That is one big purse. Sometimes I'm scared to reach all the way to the bottom. 

Ponytails. 

And when I do take the time to straighten and fix my hair, I feel extra cute! At least for the 15 min. before it's back up in a ponytail. 

I always have diaper cream stuck under my fingernails. 

I rock back and forth... Even when I'm not holding Lilly. 

You will hear a kids sing a-long cd blasting when you start my car. We love rocking out to our ABC's! 

I can do anything in the world using only one hand. This includes, but is not limited to, making the bed, washing bottles, dusting, feeding the dog, eating cereal, putting on makeup, sweeping the floor....

I am 100% totally aware of my surroundings at all times. 

If you see me wearing a hat it means I didn't have time to wash my hair. I might be wearing a lot of hats this summer. 

If I want to have an adult beverage I have to make sure the nursing queen isn't going to want a snack within the hour. Chances are, she probably will.. So I usually just take sips of Mikes. I'm sure he loves this. 

I've had to google things like "why is my baby's poop this color."

I pick her nose without thinking twice about it. 

I've had to say things like "Lilly, don't put your hands in the potty!!!" 

I've used baby wipes to wipe down my dashboard, kitchen counter, sinks, etc....

My belly button will never look the same.

I've painted my fingernails and plucked my eyebrows (or unibrow by the time I get to it) in my car while Lilly has napped in her carseat in the back. 

My friends know that if they text me after 8:00 I will not respond until the morning because I'm asleep. And they forgive me for texting them at 7 am when I just assume the whole worlds awake with us.

I love shopping for Lilly more than I love shopping for myself. 

I haven't kept up with the Kardashian's in over a year. 

And lastly, I know I'm a momma because my heart has grown three times its size. 

I am definitely not the same girl that's in that bridal portriat. I have changed and evolved into somebody else. Somebody that I am very proud to be. Lilly's Momma.  

Good Vibrations

Do random song lyrics ever pop into your head? Or do you ever hear a song that makes you think of a certain memory? We love music at our house and we sing songs all the time. Music makes everything better! Here is a list of songs that play in my mind on a daily basis. 

Sometimes Lilly doesn't like getting in her highchair (espically at a crowded resturant)... Cue the song "Aaaahhhhhh Freak out! Le Freak, C'est Chic"- Chic

Sometimes Lilly goes stiff as a board when getting in her car seat- "SOLID... Solid as a rock!"- Ashford and Simpson

Lilly loves her bath tub time- "Splish Splash I was taking a bath!"- Bobby Darin

Whenever Lilly sees stairs she wants to climb them over and over. I'm sure she sings this song in her head... And I'm sure she would love to try it without any help!- "Here I go Again on My Own!" -Whitesnake

Sometimes Lilly wakes up before I leave to go to work and this usually ends in tears (for both of us)- "Cry baby cry,

Make your mother sigh"- The Beatles

I hear this song when I change her diaper when she's not in a sitting still kinda mood- "I wanna rock and roll all night!!"- KISS

Picking her up from daycare.. My favorite time of the day!- "I Run to You!"- Lady Antebellum 

Riding in the car can go either way. - "Slow Ride, Take it Easy..."-Foghat. She's usually pretty chill on our trips. But sometimes it's more like "Highway to Hell" -ACDC

Time to nurse! -"If You're Happy and You Know it Clap Your Hands!"

Lilly loves it when Daddy gets home from work! Or maybe this is the song Daddy sings!- "Get up, stand up, 

Come on throw your hands up

If you've got the feeling jump across the ceiling... Jump Around, Jump Around, Jump Up Jump Up and Get Down.."- House of Pain

When she wakes up in the morning and I see that pretty face- "Pretty Little Angle Eyes..." -Curtis Lee

When we are having a meltdown- "You Can't Always Get What You Want"- The Rolling Stones

Lilly probably falls down 800 times a day... But she always gets right back up! - "Big Girls Don't Cry!"- Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons

And this song sums up how I feel about Lilly growing up WAY to fast- "May God bless and keep you always 

May your wishes all come true

May you always do for others 

And let others do for you

May you build a ladder to the stars 

And climb on every rung

May you stay forever young

Forever young, forever young 

May you stay forever young." - Bob Dylan

Don't forget to dance to the music and ROCK ON!!' 

Silent Night

There is nothing sweeter than seeing Lilly asleep on her daddy as he carries her into the house. This is what I saw last night. Her face all tucked into his neck and his arms around her, as if he's holding on to that moment for dear life. And instead of putting her in the crib he gently laid her down in the middle of the bed where she slept all night. 

Our life is so busy right now. We travel here and there. We both have full time jobs. Mike is in grad school. And to top it all off our house is for sale. Trying to keep a house clean with a toddler is like trying to keep a snowflake off your car in the middle of a blizzard... IMPOSSIBLE! Everything I pick up and put away is pulled right back out. Lilly has a new fascination with pulling things out of cabnits and bags. Our dog is shedding so bad that I'm a millisecond away from having the worlds biggest anxiety attack and shaving him bald. I could literally vacuum the house 3 times a day and there would still be dog hair... Not to mention that there is no time to vacuum 3 times a day.. Or even 3 times a week.. Or dare I say 3 times a month!!! 

But we try our best to just go with it. Clean a little bit here and there. Let Lilly pull things out of the cabnits and destroy her room. Take her to the park instead of folding laundry. But it's still so easy to get wrapped up in all the hussle and bussle of every day life. So when we have a moment like last night, when everything is quiet and still, I try to take a deep breath and remember what is really important. And suddenly the laundry and tumbleweeds of dog hair that are floating around my house are a distant memory and my heart is overflowed with the love I have for my family (yes, even the dog). It's moments like that that bring me back to reality and destroys any little bit of anxiety I'm feeling. I have a beautiful and healthy daughter and a husband that loves us both. I am very very blessed. 

Miss Independent

My 13 month old has a new favorite word. 

NO 

Oh boy! Lilly's little personality is really starting to show. I think I have to use the word "toddler" now. But this isn't a bad thing. A little bittersweet.. Well A LOT bittersweet... But she is SO much fun right now. And all of this "NO" talk is really cracking us up. I might as well laugh now because it might not be so cute later down the road. 

"Lilly, put down your phone and come eat dinner with your family" ... "NO!" ..... Nah, Lilly will never be like that. Right?.. RIGHT!!!??? 

So, I saw this blog recently about reasons why my son is crying and thought I would come up with my own variation... 

Reasons Why My Daughter says NOOOO!! 

I put her in her highchair.

I won't let her play in the fireplace. 

I put the baby gate on the stairs. 

I picked her up. 

I put her down. 

I put her socks and shoes on. 

I took her socks and shoes off. 

I won't let her play in the dogs water bowl. 

I took her out of the tub. 

I put her clothes on. 

I offered her a greenbean. 

I put her in her carseat. 

I wiped her nose. 

I took a bite of her pickle. 

I laugh every..single..time!! She is Miss Independent right now and wants to do things her way. She is saying so many words and I just love her little voice. She said hey to every single person at the grocery store yesterday. She is my free spirited child and I wouldn't have her any other way. Cheers to the toddler years! 

Just Zoo It

Lilly's asleep. I desperately need to get up and shower but my legs feel like jello. I think that's a sign that our trip to the zoo was a success!

Lindsay, Addison, Cole, Lilly, Mom, Dad, and I all piled into the car with two strollers, a cooler, and some diaper bags. We were serenaded the whole way there by my nieces. This was great entertainment for Lilly and Cole. 

The forecast called for rain starting at 4:00. It started pouring down rain 10 minutes before we arrived at 10:00. The weather man sucks. 

We sat in the car at the zoo parking lot with 4 very VERY squirmy children and waited for the rain to stop. If you ever want to torture a child I highly recommend doing this. Did I mention that the weather man sucks? 

We decided to brave the rain and go on in after we ran out of goldfish crackers. They were our saving grace. We unloaded the kids and quickly made our way to the entrance. 

After buying 6 ponchos at the gift shop it decided to stop raining. 2 diaper changes later and we were off to explore the zoo! 

We saw lions, zebras, elephants, monkeys, and birds. Lilly and Cole took a snooze in the stroller. I nursed Lilly on a bench while looking out at an ostrich. We waited in line for the tram to take us across the zoo to the food court for lunch for about 30 minutes until we were told that the trams were not running at the moment. If I had to guess I would say that we walked about 7 million miles. Ok I'm exaggerating... It was more like 4 million. But it was so totally worth it and so much fun! I just love being a mom. It is the best thing in the world!!! 

Gas to fill up the car full of children- $50.00

Snacks and drinks for the trip- $20.00

6 unused ponchos- $12.00

1 kids sized sweatshirt so Lilly wasn't cold- $24.00

Hearing Lilly call every animal at the zoo a dog- PRICELESS!!! 

And thank you mom and dad for taking us to the zoo. Lets go again next weekend!! :-) 

It's A Jungle Out There

Every time I look at the news I always tell myself I will never look at the news again! But then I always do and I'm usually left with the same feelings of disgusts and heartache. There are the occasional stories that restore your faith in humanity but those are few and far between. There have been so many tragedies that have happened already worldwide since Lilly arrived last April. I can't imagine how many more will have happened by her 5th, 10th, and 20th birthday. And I dread the day that Lilly sees one of these tragedies on the news and I have to explain to her what evil is. Children are so innocent. That is one thing I love about teaching. Innocence is such a precious thing that we only have for a short while.

It KILLS me when I hear kids talking about that R rated movie they saw last weekend, their new video game that is super violent, or their favorite song that only has 127,497,469 cuss words in it. Seriously!? The only question I'm left with is WHY?? Why do you think it's ok for your child to watch that movie or sing that song? Let them be children. Let them get dirty. Let them sing their ABC's for the hundredth time. Let them do things that interest them and be supportive about it. Mike and I were discussing this the other day. We were wondering about the kinds of things Lilly will be interested in and his response was priceless... "If Lilly wants to play the trombone then I want to play the trombone too." Ummm yeah... It melted my heart too!

But on the other hand, there is such a thing as being overprotective. When Lilly was first born I had a lot of anxiety about different things, as any new mom does. Putting Lilly in the car those first few weeks was very scary for me. I dreaded her first fever or cold. Chocking became a concern when she started eating food. The first time she rolled over and slept on her tummy was the worst night of my life. I felt like I couldn't close my eyes for 1 second. But as these different things happened we got through them and realized that it was not the end of the world. My anxiety became less and less and my confidence as a mother grew. Now I don't think twice about Lilly sleeping on her tummy or eating a goldfish or going for a ride... And it's not because I don't care... It's because I REFUSE to live like that. Scary things happen every single day. But you know what!?... We are still going to leave the house, play outside, go to the pool, walk on the beach, swing at the park, go out to eat, go on walks, and take trips to target.

I researched some statistics recently that help put this in perspective:

62 people in the US get struck by lightning each year. That's a 1 in 5 million chance.

You are more likely to be struck by lightning two and a half times than to be kidnapped as a child.

1 in 18,585 people are killed in car accidents.

A person's chance of getting attacked by a shark in the United States is 1 in 11.5 million.

There will always be evil in this world. I hope that never holds Lilly back from doing what she wants to do. Because she can do anything her little heart desires. Even if that's playing the trombone.

There's A New Doctor In Town!

What an eventful week! And it's only Tuesday!

Lilly woke up Sunday morning with a rash on her back and face. It didn't seem to bother her and she went on with her usual activities of walking, pulling things out of cabinets, trying to climb the stairs, and of course nursing! But by Sunday night the rash had spread to her tummy and was starting to look bad. She didn't have a fever and she hadn't tried any new foods. The only thing I could think of was that it came from her new shirt she wore the day before. She still seemed ok though so I tried not to worry. After all, it's not the first rash Lilly has ever had. Well that all changed at 1:00 am. Lilly woke up miserable.. And stayed miserable for the next 3 hours. She finally settled back down around 4:00 am. By 6:30 that morning her rash was 10x worse and now covered her entire body.

Thank goodness she already had a doctors appointment scheduled with her new doctor at 1:45 that afternoon. And thank goodness my cousin/best friend is a nurse who reassured me all day!

The doctor took one look at her and knew right away that the rash was a reaction to her shots she got recently. It is completely harmless and not contagious. The reason she was so miserable was because she had a double ear infection... Poop. The hardest thing about being a parent is when your child is sick. Breaks.. My.. Heart...

On a positive note, the new doctor is FABULOUS! She charted Lilly's growth using the WHO growth chart and get this... Lilly was in the 30% for weight! Big difference from "failure to thrive". I guess being charted as a BOY and not a girl on the wrong chart matters after all! (Excuse me as I take some deep breaths and count to 10)....

Dr. Morgan was very supportive and caring and made me feel so much better about everything. She was happy with the progress Lilly was already making with trying new foods. We go back in a month for a follow up. So we will just keep encouraging Lilly to try new foods. She was finally perking back up this afternoon and returned to her daily activities that kept mommy on her toes. What a little blessing our Lilly Grace is!

Peace of Mind

God really does work in mysterious ways. I've said a lot of prayers over the past week and God has truly comforted me and taken my worries away.

After my last blog post about Lilly being labeled "failure to thrive" (ugh, that still makes my blood boil) a lot of people reached out to me. And I mean A LOT!! Some people I didn't even know sent me private messages about their little ones being picky eaters as well and shared a lot of helpful advice. But perhaps the coolest thing that happened was a text I got about a girl that had read my blog through a mutual friend on Facebook. She is a pediatric occupational feeding specialist and she lives in Greenville... As in Greenville, NC.... AS IN THE SAME TOWN I LIVE IN! Coincidence? I think not... That's God answering prayers.

I called Emily Monday afternoon and we talked for a long time. She had loads of advice! We think that Lilly is sensitive to textures and we talked about sensory things I could do to help her. These were just a few of her suggestions:

-Brush the insides of Lilly's cheeks and the back of her gums to desensitize her gagging reflex. Lilly only has 2 front teeth so the back of her mouth is an area that we haven't brushed. (back story- Lilly started gagging on pacies and bottles at 3 months old and this was part of the reason she hated bottles. She also gags on foods that she doesn't like).

-Let Lilly play with things like pudding in her highchair to get her use to touching and feeling foods. Lilly is very picky about things being on her hands.

-Put some dry pasta in a shoe box and hide things in it and let Lilly dig through it. Again, this will help her feel different textures.

-Start mixing some foods that Lilly likes with other foods, slowly at first and then add more over time.

-And of course, just keep being patient and keep trying.

Emily even offered to watch Lilly eat and said I could call her whenever I wanted to. She also said that this was very common... something that the doctor did not seem to think! I felt a huge weight being lifted off of me after I hung up the phone. God had answered my prayers.

So, here is what has been going on this week with miss picky pants... She's refusing to eat any table food at school but is eating all of her oatmeal and baby food. They even caught her putting her table food on another babies tray! Ohhhhh that makes me giggle. Only Lilly!

At home she has spit out peas, potatoes, carrots, bread, and chicken. BUT she did taste them so that's a plus.

And lastly, this is what she did eat this weekend... Cheerios, gold fish, Cheerios dipped in bananas (yay!), strawberry yogurt, Cheerios dipped in strawberry yogurt (ha!), cheese, chocolate pudding, chips, and french fries..... The last three items were her favorite. Uh oh! I obviously only want Lilly to eat healthy foods but right now getting anything in her mouth is an accomplishment! Maybe she will like sweet potato fries! This is probably the most she has eaten on a weekend. I have found out that she is more accepting of food if she is not strapped into her highchair. So we ate while playing and while holding her. It's harder for her to swat food away if her hands are occupied. Overall I think we had a very successful week. Thank you to everybody who reached out to me. Your words of kindness and reassurance were just what this momma needed.

2 Thessalonians 3:16
Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you.