Baby Maybe?

Well.. It's here. Lilly's first birthday is in 3 days. I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS! This time last year I was 38 weeks pregnant and dreaded going to work and being on my fat pregnant feet. I was counting down the days until spring break so I could relax and get the house ready for our new roommate that was suppose to make her appearance April 16th. All of her clothes were washed and put away and I even had her hospital bag packed. Mike and I talked about what a huge baby hog I was going to be and we wondered what she would look like. How much would she weigh? Would she have hair? Well, we didn't have to wait too much longer to find out that she weighed 6 lbs 11 ounces and looked just like her daddy. I've learned so much this year.

There were a lot of questions and emotions that we had before we decided to try to have a baby. We went back and forth all summer long. Were we ready? Could we afford it? Would we be able to survive without sleeping in on the weekends? It is such a huge decision. I prayed about it. And then, ready or not, here she comes! These are a few things I would tell my pre-baby self:

Don't worry about money. If you wait until you can afford to have a child then you will NEVER have one (and having grandmas that buy the baby something every time they go shopping helps too!).

Sleep is overrated. You will be AMAZED at what you can do on little to no sleep. And those early Saturday mornings playing in the bed will be the best part of your day.

Enjoy chewing your food and taking your time at restaurants because once the baby gets here you will have to scarf it down in one huge bite... At least for a little while. :-)

You will find that buying things for your baby is so much more fun than buying things for yourself.

Don't register for or buy a bunch of bottles because your baby might be picky...

Baby bedding is super cute and it's something you feel like you have to buy but you won't use it.

What you think you know will completely change after having a baby. Never say never. (Ex: I will never let the baby sleep in the bed).

Always remember, momma knows best! Follow your mommy instincts.

Enjoy using the bathroom by yourself.

Don't worry...You will still have days where nobody gets out of their pj's.

And the most important thing to know is that there is nothing like it. It is a decision that you will never regret and a love like no other.

Don't Blink

Everybody told me not to, but I did.

I blinked.

I found out about you on August 5, 2011. I was ecstatic, nervous, overjoyed, and so blessed. Then I blinked.

We found out you were going to be a girl on November 9, 2011. A little girl that I could dress up with bows. A little girl that I could have tea parties with. A little girl that stole her daddy's heart. Then I blinked.

I felt kicks and hiccups and I swore you were living in my ribcage. My ankles were huge and my back hurt. I craved anything sweet or sour. I loved protecting you in my belly. We decided to name you Lillian Grace. Your daddy picked out that name. We decorated your nursery and washed all of your new tiny clothes. We took our
baby class so we would know what to do. We were so excited to meet you.. to hold you.. to kiss your sweet face. Then I blinked.

My water broke at 38 weeks at 3:00 am. We rushed to the hospital at 5 am and you were born 4 hours later. You needed a little oxygen after your journey into this world. Your daddy stood right beside you the whole time. He made sure you were ok. He didn't take his eyes off you. Then you got to lay on mommy's chest. You got to feel my heartbeat and I got to feel yours. I nursed you and let you sleep after your big day. I gave you enough kisses to last a lifetime. I prayed and thanked God for you. We passed you around to family and friends who had traveled to meet you. Then I blinked.

We brought you home and adjusted to our new life with you. We held you and bathed you and changed your diapers. We went on stroller rides and family vacations. You learned how to roll over and sit up. You started daycare and mommy went back to work. You slept in the middle of mommy and daddy and nursed all night long some nights but we didn't mind. We would do anything for you. You were safe and sound and loved very much. You hated your bottles and crib but you learned to like both. You were perfect to us in every way. You were our little Lilly Bug. Then I blinked.

Now you can pull up and cruise around the furniture. You scoot on your bottom and you even started crawling. You say so many sounds and wave bye bye and blow kisses. You can play patty cake and feed your baby doll her bottle. You have two bottom teeth and bright blue eyes. You are so smart in so many ways.

I blinked again and now you will be 1 year old in three weeks. This has been the fastest year of my life. A lot of your baby things have been moved to the attic to make room for your new big girl toys. You have brought so much joy into our hearts. We are so excited about our next year with you Lilly Grace. We promise to have patience and let you learn and explore. We promise to kiss your booboos and tickle your belly. We promise to love you unconditionally and keep you safe.

First we had each other, then we had you, and now we have everything. We love you sweet girl.

A person's a person, no matter how small."

Blessed doesn't even begin to describe how I feel about having a healthy and happy child.

I just stumbled across a news article about a little girl that has an extremely rare disease that will eventually kill her. She is 9 months old. She is not expected to live past 1 year. There was a link to her mothers blog so I read through that as well. It left me in tears. But instead of going home and waiting they have made a bucket list for their daughter of all the fun things they want her to experience in her short little life. A trip to Disney World. Tea parties. A ride in a convertible! How incredible.

I physically and mentally cannot wrap my brain around what that must be like for their family. Now that I have a child of my own, stories like this affect me 10x more, because only after having a child could you understand how painful it would be to lose them.

So like I said, I am so very blessed to have this perfectly healthy and happy child. She is the reason why I am late for work every morning. She is the reason why I cannot wait to leave every afternoon. She is the reason why I don't bring work home. She is the reason why I sing kid songs in my head all day. She is the reason why I'm counting down the days until summer. She is the reason why I know how the greatest love in the world feels.

I finally laid her in her crib after she slept on my chest for a good hour...And as crazy as this sounds, I pray that she wakes up tonight so I can get in one extra cuddling session. I don't think I will ever look back at this time and say "I held that baby way to much." Nope!

"A person's a person, no matter how small." - Dr. Seuss

Below is a link to the news article and blog. Love your babies every chance you get!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mobileweb/2013/02/28/quinn-linzer-dying-9-month-old-bucket-list_n_2783310.html

Is This the End?

February... the shortest month of the year and a very emotional one for me. Lilly has decided to cram as many milestones into this month as she possibly can. Let me start from the beginning.

Lilly was sick for about the first 15 days of this month. She had a nasty cold and a horrible cough. She went to the doctor. She threw up at daycare a few times. I thought I was going to die if I heard that cough one more time. It was so painful to see her sick and miserable. I spent many nights sitting up in bed holding her so she could breathe. I was so glad to kiss that cold goodbye. Once she started feeling better things started to get a little crazy.

I could hardly get Lilly to nurse last weekend. She was so distracted and would only nurse for a minute here and there.

Monday morning came and I was in the kitchen while Mike showered and Lilly slept. I went back into the bedroom to find Lilly standing up in her crib. I was so startled that I screamed! She hadn't been able to figure out how to sit up from laying flat but I guess she woke up and decided today is the day! I was so proud! But with every milestone comes an emotional reaction too. My baby is growing up! She continued to do it over and over. Mike lowered the crib.

I picked Lilly up from daycare and once again she refused to nurse. By 7:00 she still hadn't nursed even though I offered a million times. I decided to warm up a bottle and she guzzled it down. Let me repeat that sentence. Lilly guzzled a bottle... from me... instead of nursing...

I was in shock. Lilly never takes bottles from me and she never refuses to nurse. I cried. Mike was at a meeting. I cried some more when he got home. Could this be the end? Lilly fell asleep in her crib. Around 11:00 Mike woke me up and pointed. Lilly was sitting up smiling at us. That little stinker. She did nurse in the middle of the night and Tuesday morning.

Tuesday night went the same way. Lilly was not interested in nursing. I gave her another bottle. Mike rocked her to sleep. I felt a tad bit jealous.

By Wednesday night I was convinced that Lilly was self-weaning. I had to use my last bag of milk from the freezer stash. I stared at the empty freezer. I couldn't believe it was all gone. I was pumping much less at work since she was nursing less. I knew that if this continued I was going to have to start supplementing her bottles and mix in some regular milk. I got some advice from some mommy friends on how to go about doing this. I cried some more. I kept thinking about the first time I nursed Lilly. It is a moment that I will cherish forever. It was perfect. I was in awe of her. She held my finger with her little hand. Tears fell down my face onto her fresh new baby skin. I was so in love. I will never forget that moment. It felt so right and natural and I knew it was something we would be doing for a long time. And now we were coming to the end of our journey. How did we get here so quickly?

Thursday afternoon we went to the grocery store to buy some organic whole milk. I had pumped enough for daycare for the following day but if Lilly took another bottle that night I was going to have to replace some milk with the organic milk. I carefully read the labels on each carton until I found what I thought was the best. I teared up in line. By the time I got to the car it was a full out cry. I wanted so badly to make it to our goal of 1 year before I offered anything other than breastmilk. I felt so disappointed. Was it something I did?

That night Lilly nursed herself to sleep with no bottle. I felt so relieved but I wasn't sure if we were in the clear just yet. I was worried about the weekend and not being able to pump enough if she didn't want to nurse.

Well, she must of missed her two breastfriends because she has been nursing with no bottles all weekend. I gave Lilly more bottles in this one week than I've ever given her! I'm hoping this was just a phase and Lilly was so distracted because of all the new and fun things she has learned this week. On top of learning how to get up, she is now pulling up on everything and cruising around the furniture. She is a completely different baby than she was last week. Maybe she will be taking some steps by her birthday after all.

I moved the carton of milk to the back of the fridge so it wasn't staring me in the face every time I opened it. Hopefully we won't have to use it for a few more weeks. Even though my goal was a year, I'm not sure if I am ready for this. I'm just going to follow Lilly's cues and see what she wants to do. If i have to start supplementing then it won't be the end of the world. But if she wants to go longer than a year then I am totally down! Nurse on!

Double Digits

Well... Lilly is 10 months old. 10 months. Double digits. 2 months shy of being a year old. I seriously cannot believe this. This has been the fastest year of my life yet I also feel like Lilly has been with me forever. It's a strange feeling. I just nursed her to sleep and laid her in the crib. Yes, the same crib that is still in our room. There was a time when I thought Lilly would never learn how to sleep in her crib. But with a little practice and a lot of patience she learned. There was a time where I wasn't sure if Lilly would ever use a bottle. But once again, with a little practice and a lot of patience she learned. There was a time where I wasn't sure if Lilly would ever be into eating baby food, crawl, or sleep through the night. And even though she still hasn't learned some of these things, she has learned so much in just 10 short months. She has learned things in her own way, on her own time schedule, at her own pace.

These are just a few more milestones that she has achieved over the past 10 months:

Scooting- Lilly is not into crawling the traditional way but she sure can scoot around on her bottom! We now have to watch her every move. It took Lilly a while to become mobile but that is just fine with me :-)

Pulling up/standing- Only when she really wants something!

New word- "uh oh" and she loves to say this while dropping toys over and over again.

Pointing- Lilly points at everything and says "dat". LOVE IT!

2 bottom teeth- Yes they are sharp. I know this because she has bit me a few times while nursing. That little stinker. It's ok though.. We are still going strong with breastfeeding and are closer to our goal each day!

Currently has her 3rd cold and this one has been the worst. We are so ready for spring! But on a happy note, no ear infections yet or anything that has required antibiotics!

Sleep schedule- Lilly wakes up about twice each night to nurse and the doctor told me it is perfectly fine to keep night nursing! I thought so too. I love those moments so much. It will be a sad day at my house when these days are over.

Favorite toy- Lilly loves blocks and they have to be knocked down immediately if you stack them up.

Weight- 19 lbs. Lilly is in between the 10th and 25% for weight and 25% for height. Petite little baby :-)

Hair- Lilly can wear bows now!

Favorite foods- Lilly really loves sweet corn and apples! She still snacks on puffs and yogurt bites (and no, we don't break then up into little pieces anymore... Hehe).

High five- Her cousin Cole taught her to give high fives in about 5 minutes. She learns so much and so fast when she is around her cousins. She loves them!

Babies grow and learn in so many different ways. I'm sure when I look back at this post in a few years our next baby will be completely different than Lilly. The most important thing is that they are healthy and happy. We love our Lilly Bug so much! Happy 10 months!

Pleasantly Surprised

Pregnancy. Some women love it. Some women hate it. I was one of the ones that loved it. I know it's not all 100% awesome. Sleep is hard and
cankles are not sexy. But I miss feeling those kicks and hiccups and I miss that big belly. It is just such a cool experience. But one of the coolest things that has happened since becoming pregnant and having Lilly is that my migraines are completely gone.

I was diagnosed with migraines in the 3rd grade after loads of test and doctor visits. I took medicine twice a day to treat them. I would still get migraines though, especially when the weather changed . That's what triggered mine. The last time I took my medicine was the day before I found out I was pregnant. August 4, 2011.

Doctors think that migraines are linked to estrogen so that is why a lot of pregnant women have migraine issues. And there are very few safe medicines to take while pregnant. But pregnancy can also have the opposite effect. I was so scared. After being so dependent on my migraine medicine, the same medicine I had been taking for 17 years, I just new I would have terrible headaches. But I was pleasantly surprised. I didn't have any migraine issues and I am still living migraine free 9 months after Lilly's birth without having to take any medicine.

Just another awesome surprise my sweet Lilly Bug has given me. Some women make it look easy. Others are miserable. But I think we can all agree that pregnancy is amazing.

Nothing But The Truth

People say "Having a baby is the hardest but most rewarding job" but they never go into detail about what makes it hard. These are the things that nobody tells you. And let's be honest. Who wants to tell a fat, overemotional pregnant women the "truth"? You might just sit back and smirk at her pregnancy glow because you know what's coming! Here are some scary truths and myths about babies.

Anybody ever tell you this... "oh all of those middle of the night pee breaks are just preparing you for the lack of sleep you will get when the baby is here." WRONG!!! Nothing, and I mean NOTHING can prepare you for that. It was the biggest and hardest shock of all. You don't sleep.. You take short cat naps. And it is scary to feel that tired. You will cry. Big fat alligator tears. And just as your body is starting to adjust to the cat naps your baby will punch you in the face with their first growth spurt.

Cutting your babies fingernails for the first time is scarier than all of the Halloween movies combined.

You will be obsessed with your babies poop. "Why are they pooping so much!?" "Why are they not pooping enough!?" "Honey come here! Does this look normal to you?" And watch out! Baby poop can come out faster than a bullet. Oh oh, and this is my favorite... You just changed their diaper only to hear the loudest and scariest sound ever 2 seconds later.

The saying "sleep like a baby" is a bunch of malarky. Babies are the loudest sleepers on the planet. They will make all kinds of crazy noises. So even when they are asleep, your cat nap will be interrupted with their dolphin noises. And when you don't hear the dolphin noises you are jumping up to make sure they are still breathing.

Giving your baby a bath for the first time is scarier than forgetting your pin number at the grocery store with a long line of customers behind you. Is the water to warm? Did soap get in her eyes? Did her belly button thing get wet? Did she pee in the water?

You will all of a sudden have no issues yelling and beeping your horn at idiot drivers. "Don't you know I have a precious baby in this car!!!?" And if somebody gets to close to your car you will have visions of running them off the road. Or a cliff. A very steep cliff.

Taking your babies temperature for the first time is scarier than dreaming you went to work with no clothes on. PLEASE DEAR LORD DO NOT MOVE!

Every sneeze and cough will scare you. "I just KNOW she is allergic to the dog". "Does this sound like whooping cough to you?"

The good news is that you will look back on all of these "scary" things and laugh. You will make it through each scary obstacle. And you will learn SO much! And none of these scary things will make you love being a mom any less. Embrace it and go with the flow! :-)