Nothing But The Truth

People say "Having a baby is the hardest but most rewarding job" but they never go into detail about what makes it hard. These are the things that nobody tells you. And let's be honest. Who wants to tell a fat, overemotional pregnant women the "truth"? You might just sit back and smirk at her pregnancy glow because you know what's coming! Here are some scary truths and myths about babies.

Anybody ever tell you this... "oh all of those middle of the night pee breaks are just preparing you for the lack of sleep you will get when the baby is here." WRONG!!! Nothing, and I mean NOTHING can prepare you for that. It was the biggest and hardest shock of all. You don't sleep.. You take short cat naps. And it is scary to feel that tired. You will cry. Big fat alligator tears. And just as your body is starting to adjust to the cat naps your baby will punch you in the face with their first growth spurt.

Cutting your babies fingernails for the first time is scarier than all of the Halloween movies combined.

You will be obsessed with your babies poop. "Why are they pooping so much!?" "Why are they not pooping enough!?" "Honey come here! Does this look normal to you?" And watch out! Baby poop can come out faster than a bullet. Oh oh, and this is my favorite... You just changed their diaper only to hear the loudest and scariest sound ever 2 seconds later.

The saying "sleep like a baby" is a bunch of malarky. Babies are the loudest sleepers on the planet. They will make all kinds of crazy noises. So even when they are asleep, your cat nap will be interrupted with their dolphin noises. And when you don't hear the dolphin noises you are jumping up to make sure they are still breathing.

Giving your baby a bath for the first time is scarier than forgetting your pin number at the grocery store with a long line of customers behind you. Is the water to warm? Did soap get in her eyes? Did her belly button thing get wet? Did she pee in the water?

You will all of a sudden have no issues yelling and beeping your horn at idiot drivers. "Don't you know I have a precious baby in this car!!!?" And if somebody gets to close to your car you will have visions of running them off the road. Or a cliff. A very steep cliff.

Taking your babies temperature for the first time is scarier than dreaming you went to work with no clothes on. PLEASE DEAR LORD DO NOT MOVE!

Every sneeze and cough will scare you. "I just KNOW she is allergic to the dog". "Does this sound like whooping cough to you?"

The good news is that you will look back on all of these "scary" things and laugh. You will make it through each scary obstacle. And you will learn SO much! And none of these scary things will make you love being a mom any less. Embrace it and go with the flow! :-)