I Saw The Sign

Ever since i started this blog, I find myself writing blogs in my head all of the time. I have a lot of ideas and topics for future blogs. There is one topic I've been thinking about a lot recently but had no ending. Today I got that ending that I needed.

Every morning (and yes I mean every) I ask myself and God the same questions as I leave my house for work: Why am I leaving Lilly? Why do I have to work. Why can't I be a stay at home mommy? It's been even worse the past few weeks as Lilly has started crying some mornings as I leave. I answer those questions the only way I know how... I tell myself that God has a plan for me and if I was suppose to be at home full time with Lilly then I would be. This helps me to move forward, walk outside, start my car, and drive to work (after kissing Lilly goodbye for the 100th time). But I wanted something more. I wanted a sign. I needed something to happen so that I could say, "Ohhhhh, so this is why I'm teaching this year".

Our school is practicing Sean Covey's 7 Habits of Happy Kids (google it). We had a staff development meeting about it today. It was an eye opening experience. To make a long story short, these kids need so much more than just a teacher. They need a leader, a friend, a mentor, and a momma. They need hugs. They need to be told that their art work is beautiful. They need someone to put their hair in a ponytail. Some of them need food. They need to feel safe. They need to feel loved and important. Some of my kids get these things at home all of the time, but some of my kids only get these things at school. And God has chosen me to be a part of these children's lives. This is why I have to go to work. This is why I have to leave sweet Lilly every morning. It's never going to be easy to leave in the morning but I have to remember that God has a plan for me. God has a plan for all of us. I just have to have faith in him. I have to look at the bigger picture. I've been so consumed with feeling guilty for leaving Lilly and thinking "why me" that I failed to see all of these signs that were right in front of my face.

So tomorrow morning as I stall to leave and go to give Lilly one more kiss, I will try not to feel sad. I will try to remember that every thing happens for a reason. And I will think about the other 18 kids that will be waiting for me at school.